A Hospital as an Asshole on the Face of the Earth

So I'm drinking coffee and eating a, "Clif" bar for reasons that are unclear to me. It's been awhile since I posted on this blog, and it's for a good reason. Don't give me shit. I accidentally overdosed, had two really bad seizures, and then had a drug interaction that gave me stroke like symptoms...very bad. Suddenly, however, I feel compelled to write on here.

I've purchased a thong, and it's interesting. Naturally, I have no picture of me wearing it, so I'll provide this one. It's close.

Pretty Accurate Depiction

It makes me feel sexy, and distracts me from my therapy conversations a bit. That helps. I need some distraction whilst pouring over the embarrassing details of my life, like I'm wearing a thing.

The details of my life are interesting, I think. My father died last month. And I just found out that the hospital made a very bad mistake and I'm suing the hospital. I'm upset. He died alone. I'm angry. Yes, people make mistakes, but this is my father, and there is no room for mistakes when people's lives are at stake. The mistake was so bad that he could still be alive now if not for the fuck-up. I cry.

The Hospital that Killed Dad

So my time will be occupied with working with the lawyer, who is excited about our chance to win. The Department of Public Health investigated them. I'm waiting for the report. It's considered a, "Serious Reportable Event." Damn right it is.

I'll be on more, my friends. Nice talking to you.

Me

The Unlucky and Lucky Few

It's 7:44 in the morning, and an appointment with my therapist is impending, scheduled for 10:00am. Dressed and ready to go, and have been since just before 5:00am. It's nerve-wracking, this therapy business. This will be my 20th (or so) session with her, and she is very good. No Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which, in my experience, sucks. Her approach is different, which is why I still go to our appointments, and make more of them.

It's out there and it can hurt you badly if so inclined. If it finds you, you can't hide, just forget about that, it won't work. You can't run from it, and you can't out-think it. It's smarter than you, faster than you, and can ruin your life, and possibly kill you. You may be able to fight it, but most of the weapons available to you are weak, probably too expensive, and may do absolutely nothing. A lucky few, perhaps 4 or 5 out of 100 will find the weapons to be efficacious.

An odd way to describe the effectiveness of a weapon against what sounds like some sort of monster..."efficacious." Naturally, I'm writing about depression, mental illness in general, and therapy and pills as ammunition against it. I've given mental illness a monstrous, wicked personality. Oddly enough, that is the best way to think of depression and anxiety. To imagine it as a physical manifestation, out of the mind itself and a thing out in the world. If only it were true. I'm suffering from that awful affliction right now, and it's much worst than a demon, devil, or fiend. Words fail me in describing depression. Some things are beyond words, something that writers hate to admit. I'm not even sure that it's true. I'm simply disinclined to try...I lack the ability.

I'm writing this because I've been dead-alive for the past few weeks. Some people who care about me are worried. I appreciate that more than they know, most likely. I'm feeling a bit better. Check out the interesting MRI below.

Thank you, friends and comrades.

Clinical depression, not "The Blues"

The Campaign I Killed

Letters like these squelch my desire to be an activist.

Dear Mr. Lyle,

Thank you so much for all your support in 2012, but in the coming year we are facing a huge challenge. More money and activism are needed to continue our pivotal role in moving this campaign forward. This past year we took a major step forward by hiring a full-time executive director. Benjamin Honeycutt is a highly-motivated organizer who has made it possible to act preemptively on many fronts. The future looks bright for our cause.

Or not, it's tough to say. Frankly we've lost interest since you've gotten involved. Your existential nihilism and morose disposition have combined to form a dark cloud that hangs over anyone who spends more than 5 minutes with you. In addition, you radiate a flavorless indifference that has poisoned our entire staff like that Russian guy that Putin killed. A passionate desire to improve the world fuels every activist, except you. You seem to be motivated to volunteer by a rusty bayonet at your back with the word "Guilt" written on it. You make Catholic guilt look like a minor headache. How did you ever get so neurotic and fucked-up?

Our cause is a noble one, and we endeavor to persevere and relieve unspeakable suffering in our lifetime. We can best achieve this if you stay as far away as possible. Perhaps we will find our spark again in the springtime. Perhaps not. But if we are to have a chance, you must refrain from trying to help. Did you know that in the wake of your taking over the Cambridge Local we've had 2 suicides, and 11 members joined either Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous? And that was just in the week following your "motivational" speech.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but Jesus Christ...Jesus Christ.

Sincerely,
Deborah Bernard

Of The Massachusetts Health Care Insurance Reform Law and the Conservative Bubble

The Massachusetts Health Care Insurance Reform Law, which is virtually identical to the Affordable Care Act ("ObamaCare"), is a resounding success, there is no getting around it. Speakers at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), people like Michelle Bachmann, assert that the ACA is going to be poison for America. In her speech, Bachmann stated that the ACA, "...will kill Americans." Ron Paul has declared that the ACA is a, "Disaster for  America." And Conservatives keep the pressure on House Speaker John Boehner, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, and Republican heart-throb, Representative Paul Ryan, to keep up the fight to eradicate the ACA, which won't happen, but they'll keep on trying. Conservatives live inside the Ayn Rand/John Birch Bubble, and in that bubble free markets work, war is good, class warfare is necessary because the poor and unions are so very dangerous, women can't get pregnant when raped, contraception is still an issue, and supporting the troops means having no problem with veterans having to wait two years to get help for mental illness developed while serving their country. Also in that bubble, the Affordable Care Act is a dangerous and comes from a radical Socialist president, Hell-bent on ruining this country.

Some say that Massachusetts is too small a state to provide a useful comparison to the ACA. The reality is that Massachusetts is bigger than 26 states, regardless of our small land area. Nebraska, for example, has fewer than 1.5 million people, while Massachusetts has about 7 million people. Greater Boston has a population of almost 5 million people, making it bigger than the metropolitan areas of San Francisco, Phoenix, Seattle, Baltimore, Minneapolis-St. Paul, Denver, and Tampa.

So Massachusetts is a fairly large state by population with a diverse population, and a complex economy. I think it provides a fine example in microcosm of how the ACA might function on a national level.

The object of the Massachusetts plan (MHCIRL) is to provide all citizens in MA with access to affordable health insurance and to eliminate the “free riders” who expect the government or taxpayers to pay for their health care. This plan does an extraordinary job of covering nearly half a million people who were previously uninsured, and it is done without raising taxes one penny. Under the MHCRIL, the citizens of Massachusetts also retain their health coverage when they change jobs, or suffer financial hardship.

The accomplishments of the MHCRIL after 7 years:

*Nearly every Massachusetts citizen is covered. A recent study showed that 99.4% of adults and 99.8% of children now have medical insurance. This is by far the highest rate in the nation. The overall national rate is 83%, with Texas having the worst rates in the nation at 74%. In Texas, one out of every five children has no health insurance.

*Many more businesses are offering medical insurance to their employees. Right now, 76% of employers offer medical insurance to their employees, compared with 70% just five years ago. The national rate remains at 60%.

*Surprisingly, the overall cost of the program to the commonwealth is only 1.1% of  the budget. Early predictions were that the cost would be 1.5 - 2.5%. This an astounding indicator of the success of the program. How often have you heard of a government program coming in well under budget?

*The impact of the MHCRIL on the cost of health care premiums for individuals who buy insurance without the help of an employer have gone down dramatically, as well. According to FactCheck.org, individuals who bought insurance on their own saw a major drop in premiums, as much as a 40% decline, according to some figures. On average, premiums dropped between 18%-20% for the average individual buying health insurance on their own.

* The program is exceptionally popular among commonwealth residents. Studies repeatedly confirm that 70%- 80% of Massachusetts residents are happy with the plan and would not go back to the old system if given the chance.

As I said, a resounding success in Massachusetts. It will be for the nation, as well. The next step is a public option, so the for-profit health care insurance companies (the only flaw in the program) can be  taken out of the equation.

Nobody Puts Nancy In The Corner

Nancy and I dance to Prince. We got moves, but Nancy is on fire.