Can't Get Right

In the past few hours it has become clear to me that I've a character flaw that makes me just one of those people who have a quality that makes them unlikable. I've known for years that I have this quality, or lack of quality. I'm not affable, and it seems that I put people ill at ease. I don't know why. I'm very fond of people.

I'm not sure what the future of this blog will be. I'm tired of feeling like the reject, the strange one, the one people snicker at and gatherings. The heat radiates off the pavement, a cool breeze descends from a tall, cloudless sky, music flows through a neighbor's window, wind in the trees speaks to some part of me that makes my heart ache, the smell of lilacs is in the air...and everything is telling me that I'm not right. I'm not quite human. It's tiring, and I welcome death, or will when it comes.

The feeling of this despair emerges from the grass or pavement, and spirals around us and leaves us at the mercy of the governing body of our own self-loathing.

There are many people whom I love, nobody more than Nancy, and she would be so much better off without her misshapen pseudo-human husband. If I loved her, I'd slit my throat and set her free. My god do I love her. You think you know love, but you don't. The love I have for this woman is unlike any other.

Some people aren't right. I'm one of the not-right ones. It's just the way it is. 

Jerkocracy

Everyone of us, at some point, is going to be a jerk in somebody’s else’s eyes - without exception. If you put a smart person amongst the ignorant, they’re the jerk. What a moron - he thinks the world is round, when obviously it’s flat - any fool can see that. No one escapes being a jerk somewhere.


It’s the people who think they’re never jerks that are the real jerks. If you look at your life, you’ve had half a dozen real friends, some acquaintances and then there’s the vast sea of jerks. You’ve befriended those who try to overcome their jerkitude, rather than deny it. Heaven preserve us from the rigid and judgmental righteous.


We live in the Age Of The Jerk. Modern society is so fragmented, that we don’t have shared values anymore. Many elderly English people remember the Blitz and the bombing of London with nostalgia. Everyone was in the same boat, united by a common purpose of vanquishing the evil Hun. No such shared destiny today.


And it pays to be a jerk - there wouldn‘t be so many if it didn‘t. The boys of Enron probably chuckled when they ordered blackouts for California while stealing their electricity. One or two of them went to jail, the rest went on to bigger and better jobs - there’s always room for jerks in the corporate world. When a regular Joe is caught stealing, he goes to jail. When Goldman Sachs is caught defrauding investors and bringing down the economy, they get a bailout and bigger bonuses on the taxpayer dime.


Donald Trump is a major jerk. In a normal society, he’d be shunned for the vulgarian he is, if only for his hair-do. In reality, he’s a bad businessman who protected himself from having to pay his contractors (the little people) by declaring bankruptcy many times over. And now he’s a big TV star. Maybe being an jerk is not so bad.

The jerky business card of a jerk.

The Bitch Tattoo And That Prick Stefano

I'm not ashamed to say it. My lovely wife has me hooked on, "Days of our Lives." Even if I only see one episode once a month, I know what is going on. It's an amazing formula. The shows on HBO are the exact opposite. Miss one episode of, "Boardwalk Empire" or "Game of Thrones" and I'm totally lost. What's going to happen if Nikki tries to keep EJ away from his baby? And Sami and EJ have a history. Does she love him? And Stefano, what a lovable prick!

And you can't beat the hilarity of product placement. Here is a scene where they subtly push Cheerios, which are not just for breakfast anymore:

It started with, "Dark Shadows." We watched one episode on Netflix, and that was it. A week later and we had watched every episode. Barnabas Collins is one sexy fellow at 175 years of age. Check him out:

As a vampire, he has no qualms about killing you, but he's more likely to look at you like that. Slow burn. And nobody ever asks why he has candles all over the house instead of getting some light bulbs.

Anyway, I got Nancy a subscription to, "Bitch" magazine for her birthday, and for some reason they sent along a rub-on tattoo. Like the ones they used to put in Cracker Jack boxes. It's a really good fake tattoo that only came off after a liberal application of alcohol and a bit of scrubbing. It looked like this, before it started to make me feel like "Bombshell" McGee and had to go:

That's all for tonight. I'm watching, "SoapNet" and Stefano just told Gina to go get his egg and bring it to him. Some kind of jewel-encrusted Fabergé thing, the stuff that dreams are made of. Gotta go!

Ode to a Dog Named, "Beau," For Leah, Who Just Lost Her Beloved, "Tala."

Losing a pet can be as hard as losing a close friend, because for many of us, that is just what they are, close friends. This is for Leah and Tala...

"Beau" by Jimmy Stewart

He never came to me when I would call
Unless I had a tennis ball,
Or he felt like it,
But mostly he didn't come at all.

When he was young
He never learned to heel
Or sit or stay,
He did things his way.

Discipline was not his bag
But when you were with him things sure didn't drag.
He'd dig up a rosebush just to spite me,
And when I'd grab him, he'd turn and bite me.

He bit lots of folks from day to day,
The delivery boy was his favorite prey.
The gas man wouldn't read our meter,
He said we owned a real man-eater.

He set the house on fire
But the story's long to tell.
Suffice it to say that he survived
And the house survived as well.

On the evening walks, and Gloria took him,
He was always first out the door.
The Old One and I brought up the rear
Because our bones were sore.

We would charge up the street with Mom hanging on,
What a beautiful pair they were!
And it if was still light and the tourists were out,
They created a bit of a stir.

But every once in awhile, he would stop in his tracks
And with a frown on his face look around.
It was just to make sure that the Old One was there
And would follow him where he was bound.

We are early-to-bedders at our house --
I guess I'm the first to retire.
And as I'd leave the room he'd look at me
And get up from his place by the fire.

He knew where the tennis balls were upstairs
And I'd give him one for awhile.
He would push it under the bed with his nose
And I'd fish it out with a smile.

And before very long
He'd tire of the ball
And be asleep in his corner
In no time at all.

And there were nights when I'd feel him
Climb upon our bed
And lie between us,
And I'd pat his head.

And there were nights when I'd feel this stare
And I'd wake up and he'd be sitting there
And I'd reach out my hand and stroke his hair.
And sometimes I'd feel him sigh
and I think I know the reason why.

He would wake up at night
And he would have this fear
Of the dark, of life, of lots of things,
And he'd be glad to have me near.

And now he's dead.
And there are nights when I think I feel him
Climb upon our bed and lie between us,
And I pat his head.

And there are nights when I think
I feel that stare
And I reach out my hand to stroke his hair,
But he's not there.

Oh, how I wish that wasn't so,
I'll always love a dog named Beau.

Jimmy Stewart 1908-7/2/97

He never came to me when I would call
Unless I had a tennis ball,
Or he felt like it,
But mostly he didn't come at all.

When he was young

He never learned to heel
Or sit or stay,
He did things his way.

Social Security Advocates Launch Campaigns To Pressure AARP

Two separate campaigns have been launched to pressure AARP to stand firm against cuts in Social Security and Medicare benefits. The campaigns follow a report by HuffPost that the influential senior citizens lobby will soon be holding a private, principals-only "salon-style conversation" with a host of advocates of entitlement cuts.

"Once again, AARP is working behind the scenes to build support for benefit cuts while masquerading about as an ardent defender of the safety net to its massive, dues-paying membership," reads a petition from the progressive blog FireDogLake.com. "This is outrageous, and AARP should immediately call off the event and disavow this shameful attempt to throw its weight behind benefit cuts."

Credo Action, an online progressive advocacy group, asked its members to reach out to AARP. "Ironically, while the CEO of AARP is set to hold a private meeting with people who want to cut Social Security and Medicare benefits, the organization has also just launched a national listening tour on the future of Social Security and Medicare. So if there's ever a time to speak out to AARP, it's now," reads a letter to the group's membership. "We are joining with other groups including our friends at Social Security Works in making sure AARP hears that everyday Americans don't want cuts to Social Security benefits. We need to make sure AARP gets this message loud and clear."

AARP's listening tour officially launches on Monday and is dubbed "You've Earned a Say and We're Listening."

One AARP volunteer who attended a two-day training last week wrote HuffPost to say that the listening tour appeared to be aimed at shifting AARP policy in favor of cuts to benefits. "We were explicitly told NOT to provide any education; furthermore, they want us to urge participants to fill out the surveys at the beginning of the gathering, then as time permits, allow people one by one to express their opinions," the volunteer wrote. "I am wondering if all of this fanfare with the surveys will just be a smokescreen for the AARP backing cuts in Social Security and Medicare and using the opinions gathered in the 'You've Earned a Say' sessions as the basis for their EVOLVING policy."

"AARP is not pursuing any closed door deals or grand bargains," said an AARP spokeswoman. "Our main focus is hearing from our members, and all Americans, what they think about ways to strengthen Social Security and Medicare. That's precisely why we're launching 'You've Earned a Say.' We are interested in hearing from all sides and having civil discourse on these issues."

The nearly 54 million people drawing Social Security benefits receive, on average, $1,073.80 per month, according to the Social Security Administration, as HuffPost previously reported. The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities estimates the program keeps some 20 million people out of poverty, including 13 million elderly Americans.

Gary Engelhardt and Jonathan Gruber, in a rigorous 2004 National Bureau of Economic Research report on the program, calculated that each 10 percent cut in benefits would lead to a 7.2 percent increase in poverty. Such cuts are beginning to seem likely, despite the robust state of the program's finances, which can cover full benefits through 2037 and boasts a surplus trust fund of $2.6 trillion as of this past fall. Reversing that trend and increasing Social Security payments would likely lead to a reduction in elderly poverty, if past history is any guide.

AARP has expressed an openness to benefit cuts in the past, only to backtrack under pressure from its membership. The organization, in recent years, has become increasingly entangled with its growing insurance operation.

Isaiah Poole at the progressive group Campaign for America's Future also criticized AARP for hosting the salon:

Here's a message from one AARP member: You've done enough listening. For years now, we've had a "debate" about how to make Social Security sustainable for the next 75 years. One side of that debate is using fear-mongering and deception to make the case for dismantling a public vehicle for economic security that many of the people on that side of the debate never believed should exist to begin with. Their dream remains replacing Social Security with a private insurance system that would be a playground for the same Wall Street gamblers and predators whose behavior trashed the value of our 401(k)s during the 2008 financial crash.

The other side has consistently spoken the plain truth: Social Security is not in crisis, and the long-term liquidity issues that do indeed need to be addressed are not because benefits are too generous. In fact, they are not generous enough. We should strengthen Social Security, and a simple step we could take today is to lift the payroll tax cap, so that people earning six- and seven-figure incomes can pay more of their fair share into the system.