Did Someone Order Chinese?

A couple of news stories tickled my parts this past week, and I'd just love to share them. I'm a bit of a newshound, and I read a ridiculous amount of analysis and reporting from all the fucking place. This doesn't make me smarter than anyone else, it simply indicates an emptier life. One of the things I like to talk about is China and her always growing social, economic and military influence. And about how I'm oddly afraid of China beating me up in the playground. Some people refer to the United States as, "the world's only superpower." An ability to take pride in something as abstract as a nation of 300,000,000 people is strange to me, but it's required as a set up to the last superpower delusion. A fanatical love of sports also helps. To believe that, though, it's also necessary to work hard at ignoring a bountiful array of cold, hard facts. I'm not of a mind to vomit up statistics and quotes and perhaps a drawing or two to make the case that the near and distant future is all China, baby. But I'll point out a few things here.

People who have a clue know that China is a few years away from having the largest navy in the world, which is pretty amazing given how HUGE ours is. They are crammin' submarines into the Pacific so fast that we can't keep track of them all. One of the subs we lost track of, apparently, scared the pussybirds out of the USS Kitty Hawk carrier group last month when it popped-up within firing range of the aircraft carrier USS Kitty Hawk itself. It was only discovered when it wanted to be discovered, and had been following the group around the Pacific for Confucious knows how long.

In my sad little opinion, that sits stuffed into this fat little body, which is crammed into this dinky flat, is that we are in a new Cold War. Somebody tell Tom Clancy. The difference is that China has 1.1 billion more people than we do and is needed by every capitalist the world over who wants to manufacture anything. China is the biggest lender in the world, and the US is the biggest borrower. Jim Jubak, an economist for MSN Money who looks like a substitute teacher (see above), but who understands this issue very well writes:

In the second quarter, the Commerce Department announced this month, the United States paid more to its foreign creditors than it took in from its overseas investments -- the first time that's happened in 91 years. At the end of September, China's foreign-exchange reserves topped $1 trillion. Thanks to foreign investment in China and the country's huge trade surplus, China's foreign-exchange reserves are climbing by about $20 billion a month. In recent months, China's reserves have grown so quickly that the country has taken over first place from Japan, with reserves of $880 billion at the end of August.

China is growing so quickly that it can't get oil fast enough. Enter Venezuela, who is wisely hitching her wagon to China's five-pointed star. You know, Hugo, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

What China is lacking is a charismatic leader, someone like Vlad Putin of Russia or Darth Vader, a Goldfinger who can take on James Bond or slam his or her shoe on a UN podium. I'll bet you haven't a clue who the president of China even is, although it's not all that important as the country is run by committee. The president is Hu Jintao. Yeah. The Communist Party Central Committee membership sounds like your companies IT Department, or the finalists in an online poker tournament; Huang Ju, Luo Gan, Jia Quinglin, Hu Jintao, and all on and on. It's interesting that Hu Jintao's resume includes a four year stint as Secretary of the Party Committee of Tibet Autonomous Region. Awesome. So at least we know he's a people person.

It's worth mentioning as I finish up that China is guilty of more human rights abuses than The Horde on World of WarCraft. Sorry, that's the best I could do. Remember Tiananmen Square? I sure as fuck do. I've never cried before or since like that for anyone or anything that wasn't directly a part of my life. There is a problem? It gets solved. There will be no revolution in China for a very, very long time. And when China had ONE report of rabies from a dog in Mouding County, all 50,000 dogs (all pets) were put to death. Simple, cold, and effective. I just read that the people of Beijing aren't taking to this brutal policy without a fight. We'll see how that goes. And you don't want to be a Bible salesperson in China, it never seems to work out for anyone. Sales are fine, but they kill you...so they're not all bad.

The other story I had to mention is the leaked FOX memorandum that appeared on The Huffington Post. In part it reads, "Be On The Lookout For Any Statements From The Iraqi Insurgents...Thrilled At The Prospect Of A Dem Controlled Congress..." So much for Fair and Balanced! You really should check it out, it's damn funny.

I think that's all for right now. More later today.

XXOO,

D