Friday, August 09, 2013

A Hospital as an Asshole on the Face of the Earth

So I'm drinking coffee and eating a, "Clif" bar for reasons that are unclear to me. It's been awhile since I posted on this blog, and it's for a good reason. Don't give me shit. I accidentally overdosed, had two really bad seizures, and then had a drug interaction that gave me stroke like symptoms...very bad. Suddenly, however, I feel compelled to write on here.

I've purchased a thong, and it's interesting. Naturally, I have no picture of me wearing it, so I'll provide this one. It's close.

Pretty Accurate Depiction

It makes me feel sexy, and distracts me from my therapy conversations a bit. That helps. I need some distraction whilst pouring over the embarrassing details of my life, like I'm wearing a thing.

The details of my life are interesting, I think. My father died last month. And I just found out that the hospital made a very bad mistake and I'm suing the hospital. I'm upset. He died alone. I'm angry. Yes, people make mistakes, but this is my father, and there is no room for mistakes when people's lives are at stake. The mistake was so bad that he could still be alive now if not for the fuck-up. I cry.

The Hospital that Killed Dad
So my time will be occupied with working with the lawyer, who is excited about our chance to win. The Department of Public Health investigated them. I'm waiting for the report. It's considered a, "Serious Reportable Event." Damn right it is.

I'll be on more, my friends. Nice talking to you.

Me

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The Unlucky and Lucky Few

It's 7:44 in the morning, and an appointment with my therapist is impending, scheduled for 10:00am. Dressed and ready to go, and have been since just before 5:00am. It's nerve-wracking, this therapy business. This will be my 20th (or so) session with her, and she is very good. No Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which, in my experience, sucks. Her approach is different, which is why I still go to our appointments, and make more of them.

It's out there and it can hurt you badly if so inclined. If it finds you, you can't hide, just forget about that, it won't work. You can't run from it, and you can't out-think it. It's smarter than you, faster than you, and can ruin your life, and possibly kill you. You may be able to fight it, but most of the weapons available to you are weak, probably too expensive, and may do absolutely nothing. A lucky few, perhaps 4 or 5 out of 100 will find the weapons to be efficacious.

An odd way to describe the effectiveness of a weapon against what sounds like some sort of monster..."efficacious." Naturally, I'm writing about depression, mental illness in general, and therapy and pills as ammunition against it. I've given mental illness a monstrous, wicked personality. Oddly enough, that is the best way to think of depression and anxiety. To imagine it as a physical manifestation, out of the mind itself and a thing out in the world. If only it were true. I'm suffering from that awful affliction right now, and it's much worst than a demon, devil, or fiend. Words fail me in describing depression. Some things are beyond words, something that writers hate to admit. I'm not even sure that it's true. I'm simply disinclined to try...I lack the ability.

I'm writing this because I've been dead-alive for the past few weeks. Some people who care about me are worried. I appreciate that more than they know, most likely. I'm feeling a bit better. Check out the interesting MRI below.

Thank you, friends and comrades.


Clinical depression, not "The Blues"


Friday, April 05, 2013

The Campaign I Killed

Letters like these squelch my desire to be an activist.

Dear Mr. Lyle,

Thank you so much for all your support in 2012, but in the coming year we are facing a huge challenge. More money and activism are needed to continue our pivotal role in moving this campaign forward. This past year we took a major step forward by hiring a full-time executive director. Benjamin Honeycutt is a highly-motivated organizer who has made it possible to act preemptively on many fronts. The future looks bright for our cause.

Or not, it's tough to say. Frankly we've lost interest since you've gotten involved. Your existential nihilism and morose disposition have combined to form a dark cloud that hangs over anyone who spends more than 5 minutes with you. In addition, you radiate a flavorless indifference that has poisoned our entire staff like that Russian guy that Putin killed. A passionate desire to improve the world fuels every activist, except you. You seem to be motivated to volunteer by a rusty bayonet at your back with the word "Guilt" written on it. You make Catholic guilt look like a minor headache. How did you ever get so neurotic and fucked-up?

Our cause is a noble one, and we endeavor to persevere and relieve unspeakable suffering in our lifetime. We can best achieve this if you stay as far away as possible. Perhaps we will find our spark again in the springtime. Perhaps not. But if we are to have a chance, you must refrain from trying to help. Did you know that in the wake of your taking over the Cambridge Local we've had 2 suicides, and 11 members joined either Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous? And that was just in the week following your "motivational" speech.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but Jesus Christ...Jesus Christ.


Sincerely,
Deborah Bernard

Monday, March 25, 2013

Of The Massachusetts Health Care Insurance Reform Law and the Conservative Bubble

The Massachusetts Health Care Insurance Reform Law, which is virtually identical to the Affordable Care Act ("ObamaCare"), is a resounding success, there is no getting around it. Speakers at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), people like Michelle Bachmann, assert that the ACA is going to be poison for America. In her speech, Bachmann stated that the ACA, "...will kill Americans." Ron Paul has declared that the ACA is a, "Disaster for  America." And Conservatives keep the pressure on House Speaker John Boehner, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, and Republican heart-throb, Representative Paul Ryan, to keep up the fight to eradicate the ACA, which won't happen, but they'll keep on trying. Conservatives live inside the Ayn Rand/John Birch Bubble, and in that bubble free markets work, war is good, class warfare is necessary because the poor and unions are so very dangerous, women can't get pregnant when raped, contraception is still an issue, and supporting the troops means having no problem with veterans having to wait two years to get help for mental illness developed while serving their country. Also in that bubble, the Affordable Care Act is a dangerous and comes from a radical Socialist president, Hell-bent on ruining this country.

Some say that Massachusetts is too small a state to provide a useful comparison to the ACA. The reality is that Massachusetts is bigger than 26 states, regardless of our small land area. Nebraska, for example, has fewer than 1.5 million people, while Massachusetts has about 7 million people. Greater Boston has a population of almost 5 million people, making it bigger than the metropolitan areas of San Francisco, Phoenix, Seattle, Baltimore, Minneapolis-St. Paul, Denver, and Tampa.

So Massachusetts is a fairly large state by population with a diverse population, and a complex economy. I think it provides a fine example in microcosm of how the ACA might function on a national level.

The object of the Massachusetts plan (MHCIRL) is to provide all citizens in MA with access to affordable health insurance and to eliminate the “free riders” who expect the government or taxpayers to pay for their health care. This plan does an extraordinary job of covering nearly half a million people who were previously uninsured, and it is done without raising taxes one penny. Under the MHCRIL, the citizens of Massachusetts also retain their health coverage when they change jobs, or suffer financial hardship.


The accomplishments of the MHCRIL after 7 years:

*Nearly every Massachusetts citizen is covered. A recent study showed that 99.4% of adults and 99.8% of children now have medical insurance. This is by far the highest rate in the nation. The overall national rate is 83%, with Texas having the worst rates in the nation at 74%. In Texas, one out of every five children has no health insurance.

*Many more businesses are offering medical insurance to their employees. Right now, 76% of employers offer medical insurance to their employees, compared with 70% just five years ago. The national rate remains at 60%.

*Surprisingly, the overall cost of the program to the commonwealth is only 1.1% of  the budget. Early predictions were that the cost would be 1.5 - 2.5%. This an astounding indicator of the success of the program. How often have you heard of a government program coming in well under budget?

*The impact of the MHCRIL on the cost of health care premiums for individuals who buy insurance without the help of an employer have gone down dramatically, as well. According to FactCheck.org, individuals who bought insurance on their own saw a major drop in premiums, as much as a 40% decline, according to some figures. On average, premiums dropped between 18%-20% for the average individual buying health insurance on their own.

* The program is exceptionally popular among commonwealth residents. Studies repeatedly confirm that 70%- 80% of Massachusetts residents are happy with the plan and would not go back to the old system if given the chance.

As I said, a resounding success in Massachusetts. It will be for the nation, as well. The next step is a public option, so the for-profit health care insurance companies (the only flaw in the program) can be  taken out of the equation.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Nobody Puts Nancy In The Corner

Nancy and I dance to Prince. We got moves, but Nancy is on fire. 





Blackie Gets Stoned Off His Ass

Recently I've taken to posting videos on my blog, even though I really hate that my lower incisors are missing, and I look like a pirate, or a very old man. But I'm neither of those things, I'm just a homely poor fellow who doesn't have the money to get the problem fixed. The video I post this morning mercifully has only a couple of seconds of me. The rest is dedicated to a stray cat that Nancy and I feed every morning and evening, name of, "Blackie." Not a very creative name. This cat is amazing, as he has been homeless for at least two years, but living on the streets has not turned him into a mean, nasty kitty, which so often happens.

We decided that little Blackie deserves more than food, water, and pats. He also deserves some sweet kind bud, the stickiest of the icky...catnip. When it comes to cats, always say, "Yes!" to drugs. A stoned cat is just plain fun to watch, although we do have a mean drunk in this flat, "Fluffy." She was once a homeless cat, and is the mother of my cat soul-mate, "Impy." After some of the 'nip, Fluffy can get a little pointy and feral. This is Impy...


No, wait, that's Jimmy Durante. This is Impy. Yes, she is a Warren supporter.


And this is the mean drunk, Fluffy, mother of Impy. Both of whom I pulled out from under our back stoop 5 or so years ago, just after little Fluffy gave birth to Impy and three other kitties. Impy looks like her father. The other two surviving kittens look like Fluffy, with beautiful blue eyes. Aren't they adorable?

The date is wrong. I'm all thumbs when it
comes to technology.


Without further ado, here is Blackie, getting high on the 'nip. It's a hard world on the little things, but they don't have to go through it alone, without a little help from friends.



Saturday, March 09, 2013

Of Moxie and Farmers as the Pillar of Civilization

Houses falling into the North Atlantic after a winter storm, the election of a new Pope, the likelihood that multi-vitamins don't do anything, the apparent epidemic of erectile dysfunction (judging from television advertisements for erection pills), the stock market breaking a record, capitalism in general, our grotesque and absurd gun culture, the new Wrigley gum that has caffeine in it, the woman who threatened me after I said, "good morning" to her when I was in Whidden Hospital, and the subsequent fight it produced on August 21 of last year...they all have something in common. I don't care about any of it. It doesn't matter to me. They can all go piss up a rope, as my maternal grandmother used to say. Trying to make the world better is like shoveling shit against the tide, another one of her colorful expressions transported from a farm on Prince Edward Island to Boston.

Something else is on my mind today.

This isn't meant to be callous or indicative of nihilism or misanthropy. While I'm an existential nihilist, I really do care about people and the moxie required to live, and live well, and be compassionate. Our grace, empathy, sympathy, and compassion are the most important traits we can possess. And those qualities can be difficult to exhibit, particular in the world as it is today. The world as it is seems almost designed to reward cruelty and stony indifference. Our inclination, as human beings in a world dominated by incredible technology and unforgivable ignorance in parallel, is to be apathetic. Yes, I'm speaking in generalizations, which are, by definition, inaccurate. But I don't care. It's what I see most of the time, and that has shaped me. Here I go to the real subject of this rant.

It has changed me from what I would have been if I lived in a world of 100 million hunter-gatherers instead of almost 8 billion consumers, most of which don't know where their food even comes from, who mock those who use their hands to make a living. I'm going to say that again. Drink it in. Moment of Zen, as they say on the Daily Show.

We live in a world where those who work the hardest to grow our food and feed people are derided as stupid, uneducated sots who should go to school so they can learn how to make video games or become a lawyer. Another fucking lawyer. 

It's not easy to take this world seriously, which is probably good, except when it leads to disdain. There's no spine to it. That's something I care about, because I don't want to feel that way about my brothers and sisters on this planet. But I care about eating and surviving, because I love my brother and wife and father and need food to live to enjoy their company.

Someone has to grow the food. It's hard work. It requires intricate knowledge and experience. It's not a mystery as to why so many people take a superior attitude towards physical laborers like farmers; they are taught to, pure and simple. And it's easier to work in an office (and that's hard, too) than it is to put hundreds of acres of land to bed for the winter, rotate crops, know when to plant wet or dry, maintain nitrogen levels, and worst of all, deal with an economic system that is designed to take advantage of such people.

Here's a little ditty. Did you know that the purely economic impact of monopolies like Monsanto selling genetically modified seeds, that are far more expensive than naturally occurring seeds, is that farmer's will be practically broke at the time of planting, while Monsanto is already counting money from a massive profit. Before the crops have even come in.Why? Because Monsanto has international property rights for seeds that are pest resistant and wonderful. This creates a seed shortage, increased competition between farmers, and in the end, that Monsanto will own the very farms they claim to be helping. If you're of a mind to, check out this paper, written by William Freiberg.


Everyone makes money from farming except for the farmer.

Farm subsidies create the perception that farm states have political influence, and use it to get a hand-out. If they didn't get that, "hand-out," you'd be going hungry. You might even starve.

I'm the product of a world where people speak of a,"21st century economy." In such an economy, it's clean and no ugly slaughterhouses or factory eyesores. And there are no farmers and no industrial workers. Because who the Hell wants to do that? I don't. But if the whole world, all 8,000,000,000 of us, embrace such an economy, where the fuck will our food come from, our cars, our telephone toys? Right now, we have farmers who cannot function in a free market, who require Socialism to survive. A fascinating subject to kick around. Capitalism cannot sustain the farms that keeps us alive. Industrial jobs? Capitalism cannot create the products we use and pay a living wage to the workers who make them. We need slaves. Also called low-wage workers. Wage slavery.

Maybe I'm batshit insane because I'm aware that I live in such a ridiculous world, or think I do. Maybe we are all on Prozac and Zyprexa and Smirnoff because we're aware of this situation. And there is always, always the possibility that I'm totally wrong and full of shit. That goes without saying. But I don't think so.

This gets emotional, however. I think of Nancy's grandmother, who grew up and lived on a farm all her life. I talked to her for precisely one hour and a half, when we visited her last summer. It was not easy to get to her, just over the border of Minnesota, in North Dakota, living in an assisted living facility. She was 94, and died about three months ago.

My honest impression of this woman, as a useless lump of fat produced by my own weaknesses and a world that doesn't mind them, is that she knew something that I'll never know. That I can't know. She was Atlas, holding up the world, part of a world most of us never think of, the world that feeds us. A world most of us do not want to be a part of, and that includes me. Because feeding the world is hard work. Very hard work. And wisdom that doesn't involve Google or hard drives or erection pills.

I'm pointing fingers this morning. But mainly, I'm pointing the finger at myself. I'm a taker, not a giver, and perhaps that is why I need pills to accept my own wretched existence. Nancy's grandmother's name is Alice. We spoke of grackels, the old days (with pictures, she kept a photo album nearby), how the harvest looked that year, playing the piano, pumpkins bigger than a car, and a world that is gone. I was never a part of it, and I miss it. And I know that we desperately need what is left of it. Perhaps I'm romanticizing, I tend to do that.



Thursday, March 07, 2013

Where Do Cape Cod Nudists Go In Winter?

If you've known me long enough, you've unfortunately probably heard the story of the time my then girlfriend and I went to a nudist colony on Cape Cod. Specifically, in the village of Marston Mills, which is a small part of Barnstable. It was my idea for us two fat people to go to a nudist colony, and we weren't particularly happy about it, but neither of us wanted to back out and look like a Puritanical New England priggish school marm. Basically, we dared each other.
People pretending that they're not acutely
aware that they're buck naked.
Obviously, this was before I met my beloved wife, Nancy. I've asked her if she would like to go to Sandy Terraces with me, the aforementioned nudist colony, and she said, "While I appreciate and admire the tenets of nudism, and would like to explore it some day, I'd rather not go at this particular time. Soon, though, perhaps next summer."

If you know Nancy at all, you know I'm full of shit. When I asked her to go, she said, "There is no fucking way I'm doing that. If someone wants to see me naked, they'd better pay me, a lot. No way I'm ever going to do that, so don't bother asking ever again. Nope. It's fucking stupid." So she didn't exactly leave the door open to the possibility of one day frolicking naked in the salt water pond, or enjoying the warmth of the nightly fire pit.

Incidentally, hanging around a roaring fire when naked is a perilous proposition. What with the sparks and all. A floating ember near a naked body is like a lottery with no winners. One hopes to get away without any little burn marks, but most get a tiny burn on their ass or back. I suppose that would be a, "winner." An unlucky loser gets a burn on one of the bodies' delicate pink spots. But I digress.

 James "Jimmy" Durante
Honestly, though, one time was enough. The experience was interesting, and I can scratch it off my bucket list (if it was ever on there, I'm not sure). Swimming in the nude is delightful, as is walking through the woods with just socks and sneakers on, or flip-flops. When one hates his body, it's gratifying to just whip everything out and mince around. After a few hours, though, one starts to feel like an idiot. And the rules are a little disturbing and gross. Everyone has to carry a towel, to sit on when in the cafe, or at the fire pit, or just for any chair. Simply put, they don't want uncovered ass rubbed on anything, or low-hanging testicles. Also, if a man gets an erection, it's considered courteous to cover it up. And there are mosquitoes, and snapping turtles (and God knows what else) in the salt water pond, and there are dozens of people pretending that strolling around naked is normal. It's the naked elephant in the room during every conversation. One fellow we spoke with was a chiropractor, who approached us while we were sitting on beach chairs and stood there, introducing himself and engaging in small talk. All the while, his crooked penis and low hanging balls were right at our eye level. We couldn't stop staring at it. I thought it was going to say something. When he walked away, I said that his cock looked like Jimmy Durante. It did. In that case, it should have broke out with a show tune. A-cha-cha-cha! Meanwhile, my penis looked like an "inny" belly button. It was cool out, and I'm shy, so it took to hiding. By the way, his penis didn't look like Durante's nose, it looked like Jimmy Durante.

It's worth noting how well concealed this place is, down a dirt road, amid the hedges and scrub pines. A very large wooden gate stands shut, and one has to knock and provide the "code phrase" that is given to you when you make your reservation. When the gate opened for us, a very skinny and very old man greeted us, wearing a brown loin cloth, which came off when we entered and the gate closed. In the office, there were several pictures of single white men who were not allowed to enter; local sex offenders, mostly, and a few who did God knows what the previous season.

Are you really a nudist if you wear a hat?
That was our cabin, the blue one in the distance.
After we checked in, and it was clear that I didn't look like anyone on the Wall of Deviants, we went to our small but lovely cabin. Most places like Sandy Terraces don't even let single men in, just gay and heterosexual couples, women, and families with children. White men are creepy, apparently.

At the cabin, it took us about 5 minutes to decide who would walk out of the cabin first, nude. Naturally, it was me. We were being watched by the old couple who let us in, probably to make sure we weren't there to just look at nude people. We had to prove our nudiness. The gauntlet had been thrown down. After that, we were in the club, as it were.

It's snowing out right now, and the town of Barnstable, along with the little hamlet Marston Mills, and Sandy Terraces within it, are getting nailed with 25 foot waves off the ocean and temperatures around 30 degrees Fahrenheit. So naturally I feel compelled to ask, "Where do all the nudists go?" People like these, all looking for their lost shaker of salt while hopefully not bending over in front of you...

Most people are fairly unattractive, which nudism accentuates.
They can't be down there, as Sandy Terraces closes for the winter. But that doesn't mean there isn't some guy still down there, trying to get his groove on...

Good times.
And, of course, someone has to keep up the place while the flakes fly...

Oh, the humanity
I kid, of course. I'm sure that the nudists of Cape Cod are clothed, warm, and anxious for the warm weather to get here so they can re-enact the ritual and engage in the magic of public nudity. Either that, or they went south for the winter, to be nude somewhere else...like Canadian Geese. You can't throw a wet blanket on the passion to do this in public...

A "chubby" with a man attached
To be fair, Sandy Terraces is beautiful. This was the view from our cabin, which was cheap...

Pleasant enough
And that's my nudist colony story. Be sure to tell your friends and family to stop by!







Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Learning to Fly

There are odd people in my family, both living and dead. I never knew my grandfather, but he left me this video, quite accidentally, to remember him by. You may have seen it before, as an example of a complete fool. I've seen it on David Letterman before. But he wasn't an idiot, he just didn't succeed at...this. He, Al Powell, can be seen in the first 41 seconds. My father tells me that the widow who owned the land paid him $50 in return for trying the wings that she invented. Her design had a few flaws.



Sunday, March 03, 2013

Of Lasagna and Housekeeping

Lasagna does not require ricotta cheese, and should be made in a very large pan. The sort of pan one might use to prepare a meal for a church potluck dinner. These are two things that Nancy taught me in the last 24 hours. She sent me to the market to get a pan for a lasagna she planned to make for dinner, and she explicitly requested, or rather demanded, that I get the,"big lasagna pan, not that stupid little one." This made me nervous, as I don't cotton to shopping, and I surely don't want to disappoint my beloved wife by getting the wrong pan.

We sparred a bit about the need for ricotta cheese to complete a proper lasagna. Feel free to guess who won that argument.

 One can't deny that this is one tasty
fucking cookie, however
At the market, patrons had to run a gauntlet of Girl Scouts (like that horrible scene from The Last of the Mohicans), selling their mediocre cookies at jacked-up prices, to fund a nebulous cause. For all I know, they launder the money and and it ends up in the coffers of some Ayn Rand group, or the John Birch Society. And there was also a patina of Lord of the Flies about the whole operation. Remember what happened to the fat kid in that novel? But you can't tell a child to go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. Or can you? I don't know. Regardless of the social contract between adults and children selling cookies, my scruples wouldn't allow me to be mean to a little girl. So instead I said, "Did you bake them yourself? No? Oh, then I don't want one, young lady." An adult nearby smiled, so I survived that particular social interaction. Nothing I said would bother me later, there would be no regret. No self-loathing.

In the market, there was a problem. There were two large lasagna pans, and purchasing the wrong one would get me a beating from Nancy, so I got both of them. And when I say a beating, I don't mean in a kinky, sexually-pleasing and playful way. No spanking with a safe word. When I say, "beating" I mean that she will endeavor to hurt me and use something like my recently restored 1938 Royal typewriter, or a polo mallet. With a smile on her face, and a song in her heart, I'll be beaten unconscious. Then she'll make fun of me for wearing women's underwear, which I find comfortable because I have no balls. And they're nice and pretty and comfortable. Men's underwear has a large space in the crotch that mocks me (in my mind) for having nothing to fill the space. My little penis and deflated scrotum isn't going to fill the void. My regular readers know my feelings on this subject.

All men of consequence
wear them
A word about that last paragraph. I'm kidding. Nancy rarely beats me, and she is fine with me wearing panties. Last week I asked her if she thought it was indicative of some sort of sexual kink. Her reply? No, you just find them pretty, and they are more comfortable because you have no balls. Magnificent. What a woman.

As it turns out, she did want the extremely large steam table pan, and after receiving it my wife, a fabulous cook, went on to produce a magnificent lasagna with plenty of leftovers that won't last. For breakfast, I had a piece. Nancy is one Hell of a cook. Even though I worked as a cook for 2 years, nothing I make is as good as anything she makes, except for my wonderful popovers. But she doesn't like popovers.

On to housekeeping. I'm a feminist, dammit, and I'm not going to have my wife cook dinner while I sit on my ass and watch Key Largo or Judge Judy, or read, "Down and Out in Paris and London" for the 5th time. Oh no. So I scrubbed the kitchen floor, vacuumed up the place, and cleaned the dust bunnies off the stairs. Hopefully, I filled the dishwasher, as well, and put some plates away. I forget.

We were so domesticated yesterday. Laundry was even done. It was like Pleasantville. Well, not quite.

Without further ado, here is a very short video of our lasagna dinner. The beautiful woman at the end is Nancy, of course.


Thursday, February 07, 2013

Massachusetts Body of Liberties of 1641


THE LIBERTIES OF THE MASSACHUSETTS COLLONIE IN NEW ENGLAND, 1641.

To curb the power of the magistrates, deputies in the Massachusetts General Court agitated for a code of laws. In November 1639 a committee adopted a code. The General Court submitted it to the towns for review, then shortened and adapted the code, which was adopted as law in 1641. Similar to bills of rights and based largely on English common law, the Massachusetts Body of Liberties invested the magistrates with considerable authority. Therefore, after a probationary period of three years, deputies replaced the code with The Book of the General Lawes and Libertyes.


It is an...

Interesting set of laws established by Massachusetts in 1641, until provincial law took over by 1700. Some of the laws are crazy, motivated by the Bible, like this one: 7. (Lev. 20. 15,16.) If any man or woeman shall lye with any beaste or bruite creature by Carnall Copulation, They shall surely be put to death. And the beast shall be slaine, and buried and not eaten.

But the Body of Liberties also refers to the rights of women, children, and servents, and even punishes animal cruelty. This is from the Rights of Women section: 80. Everie marryed woeman shall be free from bodilie correction or stripes by her husband, unlesse it be in his owne defence upon her assalt. If there be any just cause of correction complaint shall be made to Authoritie assembled in some Court, from which onely she shall receive it.

Here you go...enjoy.

The Massachusetts Body of Liberties of 1641

The free fruition of such liberties Immunities and priveledges as humanitie, Civilitie, and Christianitie call for as due to every man in his place and proportion without impeachment and Infringement hath ever bene and ever will be the tranquillitie and Stabilitie of Churches and Commonwealths. And the deniall or deprivall thereof, the disturbance if not the ruine of both.

We hould it therefore our dutie and safetie whilst we are about the further establishing of this Government to collect and expresse all such freedomes as for present we foresee may concerne us, and our posteritie after us, And to ratify them with our sollemne consent.

Wee doe therefore this day religiously and unanimously decree and confirme these following Rites, liberties and priveledges concerneing our Churches, and Civill State to be respectively impartiallie and inviolably enjoyed and observed throughout our Jurisdiction for ever.

1. No mans life shall be taken away, no mans honour or good name shall be stayned, no mans person shall be arested, restrayned, banished, dismembred, nor any wayes punished, no man shall be deprived of his wife or children, no mans goods or estaite shall be taken away from him, nor any way indammaged under colour of law or Countenance of Authoritie, unlesse it be by vertue or equitie of some expresse law of the Country waranting the same, established by a generall Court and sufficiently published, or in case of the defect of a law in any parteculer case by the word of God. And in Capitall cases, or in cases concerning [Page 262] dismembring or banishment according to that word to be judged by the Generall Court.

2. Every person within this Jurisdiction, whether Inhabitant or forreiner shall enjoy the same justice and law, that is generall for the plantation, which we constitute and execute one towards another without partialitie or delay.

3. No man shall be urged to take any oath or subscribe any articles, covenants or remonstrance, of a publique and Civill nature, but such as the Generall Court hath considered, allowed and required.

4. No man shall be punished for not appearing at or before any Civill Assembly, Court, Councell, Magistrate, or Officer, nor for the omission of any office or service, if he shall be necessarily hindred by any apparent Act or providence of God, which he could neither foresee nor avoid. Provided that this law shall not prejudice any person of his just cost or damage, in any civill action.

5. No man shall be compelled to any publique worke or service unlesse the presse be grounded upon some act of the generall Court, and have reasonable allowance therefore.

6. No man shall be pressed in person to any office, worke, warres or other publique service, that is necessarily and suffitiently exempted by any naturall or personall impediment, as by want of yeares, greatnes of age, defect of minde, fayling of sences, or impotencie of Lymbes.

7. No man shall be compelled to goe out of the limits of this plantation upon any offensive warres which this Comonwealth or any of our freinds or confederats shall volentarily undertake. But onely upon such vindictive and defensive warres in our owne behalfe or the behalfe of our freinds and confederats as shall be enterprized by the Counsell and consent of a Court generall, or by authority derived from the same.

8. No mans Cattel or goods of what kinde soever shall be pressed or taken for any publique use or service, unlesse it be by warrant grounded upon some act of the generall Court, nor without such reasonable prices and hire as the ordinarie rates of the Countrie do afford. And if his Cattle or goods shall perish or suffer damage in such service, the owner shall be suffitiently recompenced.

9. No monopolies shall be granted or allowed amongst us, but of such new Inventions that are profitable to the Countrie, and that for a short time.


10. All our lands and heritages shall be free from all fines and licenses upon Alienations, and from all hariotts, wardships, Liveries, Primer-seisins, yeare day and wast, Escheates, and forfeitures, upon the deaths of parents or Ancestors, be they naturall, casuall or Juditiall.

11. All persons which are of the age of 21 yeares, and of right understanding and meamories, whether excommunicate or condemned shall have full power and libertie to make there wills and testaments, and other lawfull alienations of theire lands and estates.

12. Every man whether Inhabitant or fforreiner, free or not free shall have libertie to come to any publique Court, Councel, or Towne meeting, and either by speech or writeing to move any lawfull, seasonable, and materiall question, or to present any necessary motion, complaint, petition, Bill or information, whereof that meeting hath proper cognizance, so it be done in convenient time, due order, and respective manner.

13. No man shall be rated here for any estaite or revenue he hath in England, or in any forreine partes till it be transported hither.

14. Any Conveyance or Alienation of land or other estaite what so ever, made by any woman that is married, any childe under age, Ideott or distracted person, shall be good if it be passed and ratified by the consent of a generall Court.

15. All Covenous or fraudulent Alienations or Conveyances of lands, tenements, or any heriditaments, shall be of no validitie to defeate any man from due debts or legacies, or from any just title, clame or possession, of that which is so fraudulently conveyed.

16. Every Inhabitant that is an howse holder shall have free fishing and fowling in any great ponds and Bayes, Coves and Rivers, so farre as the sea ebbes and flowes within the presincts of the towne where they dwell, unlesse the free men of the same Towne or the Generall Court have otherwise appropriated them, provided that this shall not be extended to give leave to any man to come upon others proprietie without there leave.

17. Every man of or within this Jurisdiction shall have free libertie, notwithstanding any Civill power to remove both himselfe, and his familie at their pleasure out of the same, provided there be no legall impediment to the contrarie.


Rites Rules and Liberties concerning Juditiall proceedings.
18. No mans person shall be restrained or imprisoned by any authority whatsoever, before the law hath sentenced him thereto, if he can put in sufficient securitie, bayle or mainprise, for his appearance, and good behaviour in the meane time, unlesse it be in Crimes Capitall, and Contempts in open Court, and in such cases where some expresse act of Court doth allow it.

19. If in a general Court any miscariage shall be amongst the Assistants when they are by themselves that may deserve an Admonition or fine under 20 sh. it shall be examined and sentenced amongst themselves, If amongst the Deputies when they are by themselves, it shall be examined and sentenced amongst themselves, If it be when the whole Court is togeather, it shall be judged by the whole Court, and not severallie as before.

20. If any which are to sit as Judges in any other Court shall demeane themselves offensively in the Court, The rest of the Judges present shall have power to censure him for it, if the cause be of a high nature it shall be presented to and censured at the next superior Court.

21. In all cases where the first summons are not served six dayes before the Court, and the cause breifly specified in the warrant, where appearance is to be made by the partie summoned, it shall be at his libertie whether he will appeare or no, except all cases that are to be handled in Courts suddainly called, upon extraordinary occasions, In all cases where there appeares present and urgent cause any assistant or officer apointed shal have power to make out attaichments for the first summons.

22. No man in any suit or action against an other shall falsely pretend great debts or damages to vex his adversary, if it shall appeare any doth so, The Court shall have power to set a reasonable fine on his head.

23. No man shall be adjudged to pay for detaining any debt from any Creditor above eight pounds in the hundred for one yeare, And not above that rate proportionable for all somes what so ever, neither shall this be a coulour or countenance to allow any usurie amongst us contrarie to the law of god.

24. In all Trespasses or damages done to any man or men, If it can be proved to be done by the meere default of him or them to whome the trespasse is done, It shall be judged no trespasse, nor any damage given for it.

25. No Summons pleading Judgement, or any kinde of proceeding [Page 265] in Court or course of Justice shall be abated, arested or reversed upon any kinde of cercumstantiall errors or mistakes, If the person and cause be rightly understood and intended by the Court.

26. Every man that findeth himselfe unfit to plead his owne cause in any Court shall have Libertie to imploy any man against whom the Court doth not except, to helpe him, Provided he give him noe fee or reward for his paines. This shall not exempt the partie him selfe from Answering such Questions in person as the Court shall thinke meete to demand of him.

27. If any plantife shall give into any Court a declaration of his cause in writeing, The defendant shall also have libertie and time to give in his answer in writeing, And so in all further proceedings betwene partie and partie, So it doth not further hinder the dispach of Justice then the Court shall be willing unto.

28. The plantife in all Actions brought in any Court shall have libertie to withdraw his Action, or to be nonsuited before the Jurie hath given in their verdict, in which case he shall alwaies pay full cost and chardges to the defendant, and may afterwards renew his suite at an other Court if he please.

29. In all actions at law it shall be the libertie of the plantife and defendant by mutual consent to choose whether they will be tryed by the Bensh or by a Jurie, unlesse it be where the law upon just reason hath otherwise determined. The like libertie shall be granted to all persons in Criminall cases.

30. It shall be in the libertie both of plantife and defendant, and likewise every delinquent (to be judged by a Jurie) to challenge any of the Jurors. And if his challenge be found just and reasonable by the Bench, or the rest of the Jurie, as the challenger shall choose it shall be allowed him, and tales de cercumstantibus impaneled in their room.

31. In all cases where evidences is so obscure or defective that the Jurie cannot clearely and safely give a positive verdict, whether it be a grand or petit Jurie, It shall have libertie to give a non Liquit, or a spetiall verdict, in which last, that is in a spetiall verdict, the Judgement of the cause shall be left to the Court, And all Jurors shall have libertie in matters of fact if they cannot finde the maine issue, yet to finde and present in their verdict so much as they can, If the Bench and Jurors shall so suffer at any time about their verdict that either of them cannot proceede with peace of conscience the case shall be referred to the Generall Court, who shall take the question from both and determine it.


32. Every man shall have libertie to replevy his Cattell or goods impounded, distreined, seised, or extended, unlesse it be upon execution after Judgement, and in paiment of fines. Provided he puts in good securitie to prosecute his replevin, And to satisfie such demands as his Adversary shall recover against him in Law.

33. No mans person shall be arrested, or imprisoned upon execution or judgment for any debt or fine, If the law can finde competent meanes of satisfaction otherwise from his estaite, and if not his person may be arrested and imprisoned where he shall be kept at his owne charge, not the plantife's till satisfaction be made, unlesse the Court that had cognizance of the cause or some superior Court shall otherwise provide.

34. If any man shall be proved and Judged a commen Barrator vexing others with unjust frequent and endlesse suites, It shall be in the power of Courts both to denie him the benefit of the law, and to punish him for his Barratry.

35. No mans corne nor hay that is in the feild or upon the Cart, nor his garden stuffe, nor any thing subject to present decay, shall be taken in any distresse, unles he that takes it doth presently bestow it where it may not be imbesled nor suffer spoile or decay, or give securitie to satisfie the worth thereof if it comes to any harme.

36. It shall be in the libertie of every man cast condemned or sentenced in any cause in any Inferior Court, to make their appeale to the Court of Assistants, provided they tender their appeale and put in securitie to prosecute it, before the Court be ended wherein they were condemned, And within six dayes next ensuing put in good securitie before some Assistant to satisfie what his Adversarie shall recover against him; And if the cause be of a Criminall nature for his good behaviour, and appearance, And everie man shall have libertie to complaine to the Generall Court of any Injustice done him in any Court of Assistants or other.

37. In all cases where it appeares to the Court that the plantife hath wilingly and witingly done wronge to the defendant in commenceing and prosecuting an action or complaint against him, They shall have power to impose upon him a proportionable fine to the use of the defendant or accused person, for his false complaint or clamor.

38. Everie man shall have libertie to Record in the publique Rolles of any Court any Testimony given upon oath in the same Court, or before two Assistants, or any deede or evidence legally [Page 267] confirmed there to remaine in perpetuam rei memoriam, that is for perpetuall memoriall or evidence upon occasion.

39. In all actions both reall and personall betweene partie and partie, the Court shall have power to respite execution for a convenient time, when in their prudence they see just cause so to doe.

40. No Conveyance, Deede, or promise whatsoever shall be of validitie, If it be gotten by Illegal violence, imprisonment, threatening, or any kinde of forcible compulsion called Dures.

41. Everie man that is to Answere for any criminall cause, whether he be in prison or under bayle, his cause shall be heard and determined at the next Court that hath proper Cognizance thereof, And may be done without prejudice of Justice.

42. No man shall be twise sentenced by Civill Justice for one and the same Crime, offence, or Trespasse.

43. No man shall be beaten with above 40 stripes, nor shall any true gentleman, nor any man equall to a gentleman be punished with whipping, unles his crime be very shamefull, and his course of life vitious and profligate.

44. No man condemned to dye shall be put to death within fower dayes next after his condemnation, unles the Court see spetiall cause to the contrary, or in case of martiall law, nor shall the body of any man so put to death be unburied 12 howers unlesse it be in case of Anatomie.

45. No man shall be forced by Torture to confesse any Crime against himselfe nor any other unlesse it be in some Capitall case, where he is first fullie convicted by cleare and suffitient evidence to be guilty, After which if the cause be of that nature, That it is very apparent there be other conspiratours, or confederates with him, Then he may be tortured, yet not with such Tortures as be Barbarous and inhumane.

46. For bodilie punishments we allow amongst us none that are inhumane Barbarous or cruel.

47. No man shall be put to death without the testimony of two or three witnesses or that which is equivalent thereunto.

48. Every Inhabitant of the Countrie shall have free libertie to search and veewe any Rooles, Records, or Regesters of any Court or office except the Councell, And to have a transcript or exemplification thereof written examined, and signed by the hand of the officer of the office paying the appointed fees therefore.

49. No free man shall be compelled to serve upon Juries above two Courts in a yeare, except grand Jurie men, who shall hould two Courts together at the least.

[Page 268] 50. All Jurors shall be chosen continuallie by the freemen of the Towne where they dwell.

51. All Associates selected at any time to Assist the Assistants in Inferior Courts, shall be nominated by the Townes belonging to that Court, by orderly agreement amonge themselves.

52. Children, Idiots, Distracted persons, and all that are strangers, or new comers to our plantation, shall have such allowances and dispensations in any cause whether Criminal or other as religion and reason require.

53. The age of discretion for passing away of lands or such kinde of herediments, or for giveing, of votes, verdicts or Sentence in any Civill Courts or causes, shall be one and twentie yeares.

54. Whensoever any thing is to be put to vote, any sentence to be pronounced, or any other matter to be proposed, or read in any Court or Assembly, If the president or moderator thereof shall refuse to performe it, the Major parte of the members of that Court or Assembly shall have power to appoint any other meete man of them to do it, And if there be just cause to punish him that should and would not.

55. In all suites or Actions in any Court, the plaintife shall have libertie to make all the titles and claims to that he sues for he can. And the Defendant shall have libertie to plead all the pleas he can in answere to them, and the Court shall judge according to the intire evidence of all.

56. If any man shall behave himselfe offensively at any Towne meeting, the rest of the freemen then present, shall have power to sentence him for his offence. So be it the mulct or penaltie exceede not twentie shilings.

57. Whensoever any person shall come to any very suddaine untimely and unnaturall death, Some assistant, or the Constables of that Towne shall forthwith sumon a Jury of twelve free men to inquire of the cause and manner of their death, and shall present a true verdict thereof to some neere Assistant, or the next Court to be helde for that Towne upon their oath.

Liberties more peculiarlie concerning the free men.
58. Civill Authoritie hath power and libertie to see the peace, ordinances and Rules of Christ observed in every church according to his word. so it be done in a Civill and not in an Ecclesiastical way.

59. Civill Authoritie hath power and libertie to deale with any [Page 269] Church member in a way of Civill Justice, notwithstanding any Church relation, office or interest.

60. No church censure shall degrade or depose any man from any Civill dignitie, office, or Authoritie he shall have in the Commonwealth.

61. No Magestrate, Juror, Officer, or other man shall be bound to informe present or reveale any private crim or offence, wherein there is no perill or danger to this plantation or any member thereof, when any necessarie tye of conscience binds him to secresie grounded upon the word of god, unlesse it be in case of testimony lawfully required.

62. Any Shire or Towne shall have libertie to choose their Deputies whom and where they please for the Generall Court. So be it they be free men, and have taken there oath of fealtie, and Inhabiting in this Jurisdiction.

63. No Governor, Deputy Governor, Assistant, Associate, or grand Jury man at any Court, nor any Deputie for the Generall Court, shall at any time beare his owne chardges at any Court, but their necessary expences shall be defrayed either by the Towne or Shire on whose service they are, or by the Country in generall.

64. Everie Action betweene partie and partie, and proceedings against delinquents in Criminall causes shall be briefly and destinctly entered on the Rolles of every Court by the Recorder thereof. That such actions be not afterwards brought againe to the vexation of any man.

65. No custome or prescription shall ever prevaile amongst us in any morall cause, our meaneing is maintaine anythinge that can be proved to be morrallie sinfull by the word of god.

66. The Freemen of every Towneship shall have power to make such by laws and constitutions as may concerne the wellfare of their Towne, provided they be not of a Criminall, but onely of a prudential nature, And that their penalties exceede not 20 sh. for one offence. And that they be not repugnant to the publique laws and orders of the Countrie. And if any Inhabitant shall neglect or refuse to observe them, they shall have power to levy the appointed penalties by distresse.

67. It is the constant libertie of the free men of this plantation to choose yearly at the Court of Election out of the freemen all the General officers of this Jurisdiction. If they please to dischardge them at the day of Election by way of vote. They may do it without shewing cause. But if at any other generall Court, we hould it due justice, that the reasons thereof be alleadged and [Page 270] proved. By Generall officers we meane, our Governor, Deputy Governor, Assistants, Treasurer, Generall of our warres. And our Admirall at Sea, and such as are or hereafter may be of the like generall nature.

68. It is the libertie of the freemen to choose such deputies for the Generall Court out of themselves, either in their owne Townes or elsewhere as they judge fitest. And because we cannot foresee what varietie and weight of occasions may fall into future consideration, And what counsells we may stand in neede of, we decree. That the Deputies (to attend the Generall Court in the behalfe of the Countrie) shall not any time be stated or inacted, but from Court to Court, or at the most but for one yeare, that the Countrie may have an Annuall libertie to do in that case what is most behoofefull for the best welfaire thereof.

69. No Generall Court shall be desolved or adjourned without the consent of the Major parte thereof.

70. All Freemen called to give any advise, vote, verdict, or sentence in any Court, Counsell, or Civill Assembly, shall have full freedome to doe it according to their true Judgements and Consciences, So it be done orderly and inofensively for the manner.

71. The Governor shall have a casting voice whensoever an Equi vote shall fall out in the Court of Assistants, or generall assembly, So shall the presedent or moderator have in all Civill Courts or Assemblies.

72. The Governor and Deputy Governor Joyntly consenting or any three Assistants concurring in consent shall have power out of Court to reprive a condemned malefactour, till the next quarter or generall Court. The generall Court onely shall have power to pardon a condemned malefactor.

73. The Generall Court hath libertie and Authoritie to send out any member of this Comanwealth of what qualitie, condition or office whatsoever into forreine parts about any publique message or Negotiation. Provided the partie sent be acquainted with the affaire he goeth about, and be willing to undertake the service.

74. The freemen of every Towne or Towneship, shall have full power to choose yearly or for lesse time out of themselves a convenient number of fitt men to order the planting or prudentiall occasions of that Towne, according to Instructions given them in writeing, Provided nothing be done by them contrary to the publique laws and orders of the Countrie, provided also the number of such select persons be not above nine.

75. It is and shall be the libertie of any member or members of [Page 271] any Court Councell or Civill Assembly in cases of makeing or executing any order or law, that properlie concerne religion, or any cause capitall, or warres, or Subscription to any publique Articles or Remonstrance, in case they cannot in Judgement and conscience consent to that way the Major vote or suffrage goes, to make their contra Remonstrance or protestation in speech or writeing, and upon request to have their dissent recorded in the Rolles of that Court. So it be done Christianlie and respectively for the manner. And their dissent onely be entered without the reasons thereof, for the avoiding of tediousnes.

76. Whensoever any Jurie of trialls or Jurours are not cleare in their Judgments or consciences conserneing any cause wherein they are to give their verdict, They shall have libertie in open Court to advise with any man they thinke fitt to resolve or direct them, before they give in their verdict.

77. In all cases wherein any freeman is to give his vote, be it in point of Election, makeing constitutions and orders or passing sentence in any case of Judicature or the like, if he cannot see reason to give it positively one way or an other, he shall have libertie to be silent, and not pressed to a determined vote.

78. The Generall or publique Treasure or any parte thereof shall never be exspended but by the appointment of a Generall Court, nor any Shire Treasure, but by the appointment of the freemen thereof, nor any Towne Treasurie but by the freemen of that Township.

Liberties of Women.
79. If any man at his death shall not leave his wife a competent portion of his estaite, upon just complaint made to the Generall Court she shall be relieved.

80. Everie marryed woeman shall be free from bodilie correction or stripes by her husband, unlesse it be in his owne defence upon her assalt. If there be any just cause of correction complaint shall be made to Authoritie assembled in some Court, from which onely she shall receive it.

Liberties of Children.
81. When parents dye intestate, the Elder sonne shall have a doble portion of his whole estate reall and personall, unlesse the Generall Court upon just cause alleadged shall judge otherwise.


82. When parents dye intestate haveing noe heires males of their bodies their Daughters shall inherit as Copartners, unles the Generall Court upon just reason shall judge otherwise.

83. If any parents shall wilfullie and unreasonably deny any childe timely or convenient mariage, or shall exercise any unnaturall severitie towards them, such childeren shall have free libertie to complaine to Authoritie for redresse.

84. No Orphan dureing their minoritie which was not committed to tuition or service by the parents in their life time, shall afterwards be absolutely disposed of by any kindred, freind, Executor, Towneship, or Church, nor by themselves without the consent of some Court, wherein two Assistants at least shall be present.

Liberties of Servants.
85. If any servants shall flee from the Tiranny and crueltie of their masters to the howse of any freeman of the same Towne, they shall be there protected and susteyned till due order be taken for their relife. Provided due notice thereof be speedily given to their maisters from whom they fled. And the next Assistant or Constable where the partie flying is harboured.

86. No servant shall be put of for above a yeare to any other neither in the life time of their maister nor after their death by their Executors or Administrators unlesse it be by consent of Authoritie assembled in some Court or two Assistants.

87. If any man smite out the eye or tooth of his man-servant, or maid servant, or otherwise mayme or much disfigure him, unlesse it be by meere casualtie, he shall let them goe free from his service. And shall have such further recompense as the Court shall allow him.

88. Servants that have served deligentlie and faithfully to the benefitt of their maisters seaven yeares, shall not be sent away emptie. And if any have bene unfaithfull, negligent or unprofitable in their service, notwithstanding the good usage of their maisters, they shall not be dismissed till they have made satisfaction according to the Judgement of Authoritie.

Liberties of Forreiners and Strangers.
89. If any people of other Nations professing the true Christian Religion shall flee to us from the Tiranny or oppression of their persecutors, or from famyne, warres, or the like necessary and [Page 273] compulsarie cause, They shall be entertayned and succoured amongst us, according to that power and prudence, god shall give us.

90. If any ships or other vessels, be it freind or enemy, shall suffer shipwrack upon our Coast, there shall be no violence or wrong offerred to their persons or goods. But their persons shall be harboured, and relieved, and their goods preserved in safety till Authoritie may be certified thereof, and shall take further order therein.

91. There shall never be any bond slaverie, villinage or Captivitie amongst us unles it be lawfull Captives taken in just warres, and such strangers as willingly selle themselves or are sold to us. And these shall have all the liberties and Christian usages which the law of god established in Israell concerning such persons doeth morally require. This exempts none from servitude who shall be Judged thereto by Authoritie.

Off the Bruite Creature.
92. No man shall exercise any Tirranny or Crueltie towards any bruite Creature which are usuallie kept for man's use.

93. If any man shall have occasion to leade or drive Cattel from place to place that is far of, so that they be weary, or hungry, or fall sick, or lambe, It shall be lawful to rest or refresh them, for competant time, in any open place that is not Corne, meadow, or inclosed for some peculiar use.

94. Capitall Laws.
1.
(Deut. 13. 6, 10. Deut. 17. 2, 6. Ex. 22.20)
If any man after legall conviction shall have or worship any other god, but the lord god, he shall be put to death.

2.
(Ex. 22. 18. Lev. 20. 27. Dut. 18. 10.)
If any man or woeman be a witch, (that is hath or consulteth with a familiar spirit,) They shall be put to death.

3.
(Lev. 24. 15,16.)
If any person shall Blaspheme the name of god, the father, Sonne or Holie Ghost, with direct, expresse, presumptuous or high handed blasphemie, or shall curse god in the like manner, he shall be put to death.

4.
(Ex. 21. 12. Numb. 35. 13, 14, 30, 31.)
If any person committ any wilfull murther, which is manslaughter, committed upon premeditated malice, hatred, or Crueltie, not in a mans necessarie and just defence, nor by meere casualtie against his will, he shall be put to death.

5.
(Numb. 25, 20, 21. Lev. 24. 17)
If any person slayeth an other suddaienly in his anger or Crueltie of passion, he shall be put to death.

6.
(Ex. 21. 14.)
If any person shall slay an other through guile, either by poysoning or other such divelish practice, he shall be put to death.

7.
(Lev. 20. 15,16.)
If any man or woeman shall lye with any beaste or bruite creature by Carnall Copulation, They shall surely be put to death. And the beast shall be slaine, and buried and not eaten.

8.
(Lev. 20. 13.)
If any man lyeth with mankinde as he lyeth with a woeman, both of them have committed abhomination, they both shall surely be put to death.

9.
Lev. 20. 19. and 18, 20. Dut. 22. 23, 24.)
If any person committeth Adultery with a maried or espoused wife, the Adulterer and Adulteresse shall surely be put to death.

10.
(Ex. 21. 16.)
If any man stealeth and enslave a man or mankinde, he shall surely be put to death.

11.
(Deut. 19. 16, 18, 19.)
If any man rise up by false witnes, wittingly and of purpose to take away any mans life, he shall be put to death.

12.
If any man shall conspire and attempt any invasion, insurrection, or publique rebellion against our commonwealth, or shall [Page 275] indeavour to surprize any Towne or Townes, fort or forts therein, or shall treacherously and perfediouslie attempt the alteration and subversion of our frame of politie or Government fundamentallie, he shall be put to death.

95. A Declaration of the Liberties the Lord Jesus hath given to the Churches.
1.
All the people of god within this Jurisdiction who are not in a church way, and be orthodox in Judgement, and not scandalous in life, shall have full libertie to gather themselves into a Church Estaite. Provided they doe it in a Christian way, with due observation of the rules of Christ revealed in his word.

2.
Every Church hath full libertie to exercise all the ordinances of god, according to the rules of scripture.

3.
Every Church hath free libertie of Election and ordination of all their officers from time to time, provided they be able, pious and orthodox.

4.
Every Church hath free libertie of Admission, Recommendation, Dismission, and Expulsion, or deposall of their officers, and members, upon due cause, with free exercise of the Discipline and Censures of Christ according to the rules of his word.

5.
No Injunctions are to be put upon any Church, Church officers or member in point of Doctrine, worship or Discipline, whether for substance or cercumstance besides the Institutions of the lord.

6.
Every Church of Christ hath freedome to celebrate dayes of fasting and prayer, and of thanksgiveing according to the word of god.

7.
The Elders of Churches have free libertie to meete monthly, Quarterly, or otherwise, in convenient numbers and places, for conferences, and consultations about Christian and Church questions and occasions.

8.
All Churches have libertie to deale with any of their members in a church way that are in the hand of Justice. So it be not to retard or hinder the course thereof.

9.
Every Church hath libertie to deale with any magestrate, Deputie of Court or other officer what soe ever that is a member in a church way in case of apparent and just offence given in their places, so it be done with due observance and respect.

10.
Wee allowe private meetings for edification in religion amongst Christians of all sortes of people. So it be without just offence for number, time, place, and other cercumstances.

11.
For the preventing and removeing of errour and offence that may grow and spread in any of the Churches in this Jurisdiction, And for the preserveing of trueith and peace in the severall churches within themselves, and for the maintenance and exercise of brotherly communion, amongst all the churches in the Countrie, It is allowed and ratified, by the Authoritie of this Generall Court as a lawfull libertie of the Churches of Christ. That once in every month of the yeare (when the season will beare it) It shall be lawfull for the minesters and Elders, of the Churches neere adjoyneing together, with any other of the breetheren with the consent of the churches to assemble by course in each severall Church one after an other. To the intent after the preaching of the word by such a minister as shall be requested thereto by the Elders of the church where the Assembly is held, The rest of the day may be spent in publique Christian Conference about the discussing and resolveing of any such doubts and cases of conscience concerning matter of doctrine or worship or government of the church as shall be propounded by any of the Breetheren [Page 277] of that church, will leave also to any other Brother to propound his objections or answeres for further satisfaction according to the word of god. Provided that the whole action be guided and moderated by the Elders of the Church where the Assemblie is helde, or by such others as they shall appoint. And that no thing be concluded and imposed by way of Authoritie from one or more churches upon an other, but onely by way of Brotherly conference and consultations. That the trueth may be searched out to the satisfying of every mans conscience in the sight of god according his worde. And because such an Assembly and the worke thereof can not be duely attended to if other lectures be held in the same weeke. It is therefore agreed with the consent of the Churches. That in that weeke when such an Assembly is held, All the lectures in all the neighbouring Churches for that weeke shall be forborne. That so the publique service of Christ in this more solemne Assembly may be transacted with greater deligence and attention.

96. Howsoever these above specified rites, freedomes Immunities, Authorites and priveledges, both Civill and Ecclesiastical are expressed onely under the name and title of Liberties, and not in the exact forme of Laws or Statutes, yet we do with one consent fullie Authorise, and earnestly intreate all that are and shall be in Authoritie to consider them as laws, and not to faile to inflict condigne and proportionable punishments upon every man impartiallie, that shall infringe or violate any of them.

97. Wee likewise give full power and libertie to any person that shall at any time be denyed or deprived of any of them, to commence and prosecute their suite, Complaint or action against any man that shall so doe in any Court that hath proper Cognizance or judicature thereof.

98. Lastly because our dutie and desire is to do nothing suddainlie which fundamentally concerne us, we decree that these rites and liberties, shall be Audably read and deliberately weighed at every Generall Court that shall be held, within three yeares next insueing, And such of them as shall not be altered or repealed they shall stand so ratified, That no man shall infringe them without due punishment.

And if any Generall Court within these next thre yeares shall faile or forget to reade and consider them as abovesaid. The Governor and Deputy Governor for the time being, and every Assistant present at such Courts, shall forfeite 20sh. a man, and everie Deputie 10sh. a man for each neglect, which shall be paid [Page 278] out of their proper estate, and not by the Country or the Townes which choose them, and whensoever there shall arise any question in any Court amonge the Assistants and Associates thereof about the explanation of these Rites and liberties, The Generall Court onely shall have power to interprett them.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

More Reasons Football Sucks Compared to Baseball

As some of you may know, the few who read my blog, a couple of posts ago I wrote about the inferiority of football compared to baseball. Any thinking person knows this already, but let me reiterate with even more reasons baseball is superior.

First, I'd like to point out how annoying anonymous comments are to me. I'm pretty sure who wrote the five "anonymous" comments, and any reader of my little missives has every right to write an anonymous comment, that's why I allow them. However, the problem is that I have to write another blog entry to answer the aforementioned anonymous comments, especially considering just how wrong those comments are, particularly in this case. The superiority of baseball over football isn't subtle, it's considerable. A new blog entry is necessary to cover the many, many reasons I already won this debate against innumerable football fans. But here we go again, in no particular order, 10 reasons why I'm right. Enjoy!

But first...

Baseball season is just around the corner, and I can't wait. Fenway Park is pure magic, a Boston Cathedral. Did I mention that I...can't...wait. It's that kind of enthusiasm that is behind this little tidbit of information: The Red Sox have sold out every home game since May 15, 2003, the longest streak in MLB history. I know my Red Sox, and I know baseball. I know football, too, because the Patriots are so amazing. That's how I know that baseball is just a better sport. Pitchers and catchers report for Spring training on February 12! The best sport of all is coming soon. Onward to the list.

1. Baseball is not a timed sport. As Yogi Berra once said, "It ain't over 'til it's over." You could be down 20 points in the 9th inning with one out left, and come back. They don't, "knee the football" or run out the clock. Overtime in professional football (why do they call it that? Soccer fans have a legitimate complaint) is a joke. A coin flip? Really. What a joke.

2. Cheerleaders are annoying and indicate just how boring football can be. You need distractions. Baseball has plenty of fabulous looking women in the stands.

3. The All-Star game. Baseball's mid-season masterpiece of excellence is wonderful. What does football have? The Pro-Bowl? Give me a break.

4. The NFL discards players like used condoms after they retire, and lets them deal with concussions that lead to misery and suicide. The MLB Player's Association is a great union that treats players with respect. Thank Kurt Flood for that, an amazing human being.

5. Pitching and hitting are two of the greatest skills in all sports. Sixty feet, six inches...the perfect distance to create incredible difficulty and a strategic masterpiece that transcends anything in, "football."

6. A good catcher is harder to find that a good quarterback. Another amazing talent that most non-fans do not appreciate or understand.

7. This is a big one for me. In baseball, they have open try-outs. If I can pitch or hit or catch, I can go show what I have to a baseball scout. That's it. In football, you go from college to the NFL, even though most NFL players have rocks in their heads (that sweet football scholarship). If you can play, baseball will take you. No bullshit college lie, or draft, or any of that crap.

8. Every baseball park is unique. The angles and distances are the same, but the outfield challenges vary (Green Monster at Fenway, Ivy at Wrigley Field, etc.). It makes the games more interesting.

9. The National League (and American League if they are playing in a NL park) forces the pitchers to bat, no designated hitter. The strategic decisions that come from this fact alone indicates baseball's superiority.

10. Footballs is all rules, little strategy. Baseball has simpler rules, more strategy. Just the way it should be.

Now Some Quotes:

"Baseball is like a church. Many attend and few understand." Leo Durocher

"Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical." - Yogi Berra


"Baseball is now, and always will be, the greatest game in the world." Babe Ruth


"There is no written rule, but it is part of baseball's rich common law that batters shall not glance back to see where the catcher is setting up because that reveals the intended pitch location. A catcher may give a peeking batter a polite warning. If the batter is a recidivist, the catcher then may set up outside but call for a pitch inside. When the batter leans out toward where he thinks the pitch is going, his ribs receive a lesson about respecting the common law. Sport is a moral undertaking because it requires of participants, and it schools spectators in the appreciation of, noble things--courage, grace under pressure, sportsmanship. Sport should be the triumph of character, openly tested, not of technology, surreptitiously employed." Source: Say it ain't so (Townhall.com, 02/08/2001)


Tuesday, January 15, 2013