My Little Green Friend

I've never actually given, or heard, a eulogy for a plant, but after the death of what I think is a Dracaena of some kind (pictured here on the right) I feel compelled to say a few words. Years ago, I failed miserably at growing a single marijuana plant. It grew to a height of nine inches, and I kept it in a closet at my flat in Lawrence. Under a grow light, of course. But it died. Like that pot plant, I don't know what killed my Dracaena. It could have been something subtle like soil acidity or that I never watered it. Well, that's not true. I watered...maybe too much.

Who the hell knows. It's dead, man.

All I want to say about it is that the now dead plant, whom I'll call, "Floyd," was adopted by my father and I after it's original owner, a client of the Lyle Cleaning Service, moved to Houston, Texas. It flourished for a short period, but as my brand of "care" took effect, it began to suffer. It had some ups and downs. I carefully dusted Floyd's leaves with Leaf Shine, a product I learned about during my tenure as a "plant guy" for various offices in Boston. I sometimes spoke to it, and put it outside when the weather allowed.

After a bitter argument early last year, Floyd tried to find another owner. But we patched things up and grew quite close. Towards the end, which was extremely difficult for little Floyd, we all knew that life was short and time was fleeting. He never let it ruin his sense of humor, though. He may not have had a brain, spine, eyes or any ability to develop and/or communicate a single thought, but he could always make me laugh.

So now I have to put this behind me and focus on my new plant. I'm getting back on the proverbial saddle and putting aside $20 for a new green friend. I'm considering a dieffenbachia, or perhaps a spathyphillium, which are both fairly hard to kill. But since I apparently suck at plant care, I should find something unkillable. Perhaps a sanserveria, or a yucca.

That's right...a yucca.

That's all for now. If you have a plant to recommend, by all means do so. And I'm not in the market for a fake plant. I just can't do it. That's just giving up. Once you go down that route, you may as well wear sweat pants and stop brushing your teeth. I'm trying to make an effort here, for Christ's sake.

Oh, Floyd!