$8.99 Pissed Away

I'm not sure what compelled me to do so, but yesterday as I floated over the white linoleum, through the wide aisles, and under the crazy-bright lights of my local Walgreen's I picked up a Just For Men hair coloring kit. It would be a change in my appearance, and that alone made me think it was a good idea. The man on the box smiled an implicit promise that the product he was pitching would make me absolutely irresistable to women, and one out of ten men. His smile said, "Your hair looks ridiculous...come on, give me a shot." So I did. Well, not entirely. I shelled out the $8.99 but I never applied the patented sex-a-licious formula. Why? Two reasons. My father warned me that it would make my hair absurdly black, more black than it has ever been. I was pretty much born with gray hair, and the shock would be...shocking. And two, the color of the dye in the bottle made me think that my head would look like the tip of a felt pen. The picture below represents a rough approximation of what my noggin would look like after application of the Just For Men ink, er..dye. Notice that a tuft of jet black hair got in my cheese sandwich. Anyway, fuck up averted.