Aperture

You'll have to forgive me for the last post, but I keep looking for new and unsettling ways that I can rank on myself. Talking about myself in the third person is generally annoying, and it may be here, too, but I thought I'd try it on. These hateful little diatribes are apparently just part of who I am. At this point, I've accepted that I don't have the intellectual fortitude and desire for good living that is needed if I'm ever going to abandon my self-loathing and increased inclination towards isolation. I'm so uncomfortable around people, moreso than I have ever been before. But on to something else.

The Socialist Party, which I've considered re-joining, seems to be moving towards a split, which is both understandable and ridiculous. It's a long story, but people have very different ideas about the future of the party. The newly-formed Socialist Party of America has emerged, and it's only a matter of time before a handful of comrades float over to that new entity. Then there will be the Socialist Party USA and the Socialist Party of America. How lovely. The tendency within the party that led to the split, more or less, called the Fist and Rose (the manifesto of which I signed) will do the leaving. But I'm not going to the SPA, or even staying with the SPUSA. A radical lefty like me will just have to stay with the Democratic Party, and hope that some good far left candidates emerge. I like Kucinich on paper, but mercy how he comes across as a loon in the debates.

Right now I have a more pressing concern; whether or not to get a haircut. Linda likes my hair long, complete with a beard. I'm not a fan of the beard, but I'm sort of indifferent about the hair on my noggin. Perhaps a trim.

I've been talking to photographers in a couple of Yahoo! groups and am interested in doing that again. I like my little 35mm camera, but there's nothing particularly complicated about setting up so all the pictures are about the subject matter I choose. That's good for now. Eventually, however, I'd like to steal a camera used by bona fide photographers and learn more about the technical aspects. As soon as I have some pictures to share, I'll share them.

For Linda, may I never know a world without you...

The Idea of You

Before the flooded bog
on a chill autumn morn
revealed blood-red berries
beneath a broad azure sky

or...

A lush, misty fen
jewel in an Emerald Necklace
drew my eyes from the Boston skyline
and posed endless riddles

or...

A spring Nor'easter
tore away April buds
and thundered like a summer storm
mocking us with flakes instead

or...

Black, hollow jealousy
manifested within and blinded me
made me deaf and hardened my heart
Robbing me of a companion and a friend

Before I experienced any of those, or a million other common spectacles and everyday tragedies

Preceding every blessed milestone; first word, first step, first birthday, first day of school

When there was no me to take you in; no mind to consider our first, lingering gaze in the dark

There was the idea of you

And it was shared by everyone who ever dreamed of getting lost in something uncommon

And now that you are gone, so too is my innocent faith in a promise I thought I heard, but was never made

Now I know that there was a world before you, and a world with you, and despite every weary effort, a world after you.

And a return to the magnificent and common and lonely place where I began, with a hard lesson taught; Nothing lasts forever, and there are no promises.