Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Violated Goo-Gah

The inclination to humiliate myself simply will not cease. Day after day, I just keep getting out of bed. Today I have a very short story...with a picture!

Anywhere between two weeks ago and, say, 3 months ago I was, as a friend of mine calls it, "high as shit." I'm not sure if there was sake involved, but if not, something fermented was in the mix. The point I'm making is that my judgment wasn't what it should...no, actually, scratch that.

What I did, simply put, is piss in a vase that I keep on my bureau in my boudoir. It wasn't a random act of nastiness, nor do I have a problem with the Southwestern motif. It was just that the bathroom in my flat was occupado. And even though I live in a very densely populated neighborhood, packed with stinky human goodness, I had no problem with pissing outside. Thankfully, they never fixed the light in the courtyard outside. There could be 1,000 mimes out there and you would never know.

Now I have to move.

Anyway, that wouldn't work since I was buck naked and the matter was urgent, so yeah, I pulled the vase down and let fly through the tiny opening (see photo). This is indicative of either a tiny prick or incredible aim, or both. Probably just a tiny prick. Like Kim Jung Il. My plan was to empty it as soon as possible. It's noteworthy that the very small neck of the vase prevented evaporation or any kind of olfactory declaration.

So today I was cleaning my knick knacks and goo-gahs and whatever other shit I own and found that the vase was strangely heavy. A half hour into questioning my neighbors I realized, it was my pee! Imagine my embarrassment. It's going to take a long time to smooth that out.

You may wonder why the vase has a black bar over it's eyes. That's because this vase has a sensitive past, and I wouldn't want the wrong person to identify it. The poor thing has been violated.


Apocalypse Cow said...

so, you never once were around that vase and said "Hey, what's that piss smell?"

Darren W. Lyle said...

No, there wasn't any, and I don't go by it often. There was when I picked it up and felt the weight and sniffed it. That's when it all came back to me.