Over a week has past since my last post, and much of that computer time has been spent tending a make-believe farm, fighting a make-believe war, and talking to make-believe people, all on Facebook. Not all the people are make-believe, but at least a couple are, and they really want me to buy a boner pill. Or something.
Most of the people on Facebook with whom I am a friend and a "friend" are flesh and blood Homo sapiens sapiens. Except for that fellow in Slovakia, who is an Australopithecus afarensis.
High school type surveys are frequently sent around, and I can't help but answer them. Time wasters. Here's a real example, which I've answered honestly:
Kissed anyone one of your facebook friends? Yes
Been arrested? Three times
Kissed someone you didn't like? No, but sex, yes.
Held a snake? Yes
Ran a red light? Yes
Been suspended from school? Yes
Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? Big time
Kissed in the rain? Yes
Pee'd in the shower? Yes
Broken a bone? Yes
Blacked out from drinking? Yes
Felt like killing someone? Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes
And there you have it. La.
These are not questions that adults really find all that interesting, though. Except for peeing in the shower and number of arrests, those I like. I'm a big fan of people telling me what they do in the bathroom and shower. It's revealing about the humans. Peeing in the shower is just normal, but shitting in the shower, that may be rarer. And on the toilet, some stand before wiping, some remain seated. And on and on.
Years ago, a man working for my father's business told me that he showers after every fart. I was 13 at the time, and found that funny as all get out. That man later put my head through a window for calling him a "Fuddy Duddy" in the presence of a woman he was hitting on. If you don't believe me, ask my brother. I stuck to my bro like glue back then, and we spent our days in Harvard Square, mostly at Million Year Picnic, a comic book store.
The question about being arrested also interests me, mainly because I've been arrested several times. One was for shoplifting. Another started as shoplifting, but my attempt to create a diversion for a getaway got me thrown in the pokey on a more serious charge. Long story better left untold. The final arrest was with a bunch of anarchists. Myself and another fellow totally destroyed an inflatable Starbuck's cup in Central Square after marching from Harvard Square. This was years ago, but I still remember him slashing the thing with a knife (he had a large one, I don't know why), while I unplugged it from the blower and crushed the prongs on the plug. It was hanging like a flaccid penis within a minute. Le sigh. Good times.
And then there are the other times that I wasn't arrested, but I was taken to a locked psychiatric ward, but not against my will.
So instead of asking people if they ever kissed a boy or farted in an elevator, I'll pick three questions that actually interest me. To answer, simply make a comment or post it on Facebook. Here goes...
1. Do you believe in an afterlife?
2. Are you generally satisfied with existence?
3. Have you ever forgiven your partner for cheating on you? Or could you?
And if you feel compelled, you can answer the bonus question. Have you ever farted during sex? C'mon, you can tell me.