Saturday, November 27, 2010

Americans and Sex, Sex, Sex

America can't talk about a fuck. Whether it be same sex slide whistle action, going down on your lover, ejaculating, moaning, nudity. We are Uber prudes. Europe is laughing at our homophobia and sexual timidity. Can't you hear them? Laughing their refined asses off. We can't even have a conversation with horny teenagers, and at least provide some advice, like Vaseline is a poor lubricant, and anal sex isn't all that great. Young people think about sex 89% of the time, and could use a bit of advice. Here's a list of some of our prudery.

1. Sex Phobia: Recently a product was developed to help young woman prevent developing the human papillomavirus, which can cause cervical cancer. Conservative Christians attacked the product. In their little minds, helping to prevent cervical cancer would compel girls and woman decide to have sex. As if cancer has been holding girls back from sex. Some Evangelical and Catholic groups equate homosexuality with pedophilia. Confusion and paranoia.

This sort of logic is indicative of the problem we have. We are rabidly irrational in all matters sexual. Abortion rights seem safe for the time being, but in many states (North and South Dakota, for example) it is almost impossible to secure an abortion. Not allowing women access to safe, clean, clinical abortions is a violation of human dignity and rights. But I'll refrain from going further here.

Naturally, pregnancy is the big fear for parents, as are sexual diseases. They know that their little son or daughter is out screwing his or her brains out. The fear is pregnancy, disease, and a broken heart. Two of these three problems are a condom away from success.

Jerking Off/Rubbing One Out: Another completely sexual act, masturbation, has the Evangelicals and Conservatives in general in a tizzy. Over a decade ago, the Surgeon General suggested that masturbation is normal. "I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught."She was run out of town. This level of prudery exists in the US alone, not among any other first world nation. Masturbation very clearly is a natural act. Something we do to find sexual release and get familiar with how sex feels. It's also damn fun. My first experience was at age 9, and I thought it was a dandy thing to do.

Sex Education: This one really pisses me off. Part of this phenomenon is the push by Conservatives to end the use of contraceptives, and advocate abstinence among teens. If these jerks are so hell bent on ending abortions, you would assume that contraceptives would make sense. But it doesn't to them. As for abstinence, give me a break. I lost my virginity at age 14, and like my fellow men and women, sex is on our minds a lot. A lot. Abstinence has been proven ineffective in the extreme. And nobody should get married without first living together. It would help to avoid a lot of mistakes.

We need to teach sex soup to nuts, so to speak. Eliminate the myths. When I was a teen, I was told that ejaculating into my girlfriend wouldn't get her pregnant. It takes several orgasms to make a baby. Brilliant. Another favorite is to masturbate before sex to get rid of semen. More nonsense. The pull out method is equally stupid. Have you ever tried to pull out right before an orgasm? Yeah, good luck with that.
Teach contraceptives. Dental Dams. Teach pregnancy. Teach libido. Teach masturbation. Explain same sex attraction, demystify it. Eliminate the guilt over one of the very basic things humans and animals do...fuck and masturbate and pursue what we desire. Is that such a hard pill to swallow?

Gay Bashing: This could be eradicated with just a little bit of sex education in the classroom. A little knowledge would end the fear that heterosexuals feel for people who are different. The single most ridiculous policy right now is Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Every other industrialized nation in the world allows gays to serve. Studies show that it wont hurt us. Military leaders say the same thing, as do 72% of men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan. Also, homophobia needs to go bye-bye. Anal sex is a fine thing for many men. As is love, kissing and dedicated affection. But so what if men and women get off in different ways? Americans are very concerned with sex the right way. Oh, Please! Mind your own damn business, America. Love is love, however it is expressed. Sex Toys: Sex toys can be fun as all Hell. An ex-girlfriend bought me rubber vagina, so I could get off before another partner could be found. It worked fairly well. Lubes, vibrators, dental dams, penis numbing cream, pornography, etc. all could be good.

Television Fucking: This amuses me. The gross out body horror magnum opus The Fly, with Jeff Goldblum, was on AMC the other day. Now AMC has commercials, so it feels compelled to tone down the sex, a lot. The problem with this family friendliness is that all the sex scenes, nudity, or even implied sex or nudity is removed. As if it's ok to see a giant fly puke and dissolve a man's leg and consume it. Or see a man's arm ripped off during an arm wrestling contest.

In America, violence good, penis bad.


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