Saturday, December 24, 2011

Happy Festivus!

As you celebrate the birth of the Messiah by trampling children on the way to buy a pair of retro Michael Jordan sneakers, and gain 10 pounds snarfing down snickerdoodles and turducken, consider that perhaps Christmas isn't the holiday that it used to be. Mainly because you're not six anymore, but also because a holiday that is all about giving gifts, combined with feral capitalism, has led to an orgasm of consumerism and gluttony that would make Caligula blush. And let's not forget the forced mirth.

Enter Festivus, the story of which is told here:

Merry Christmas, everyone. And for my Jewish friends, may your General Gao's chicken be delicious, and not too spicy. A donation has been made on behalf of everyone to The Human Fund: Money for People. And Happy New Year!

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