Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Of Solidarity Among Flies and Getting Lost

I find myself digesting the opinions and comments of countless people every day. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen over a cup of coffee at Someday Cafe, or while listening to the rarefied and erudite members of our cultural and political elite. Instead, it comes from the television and radio. Sometimes a friend will email me with a compelling observation, which I appreciate greatly. This doesn't happen very often, however, as people are busy...I am not.

For four days last week the mainstream media was totally focused on a Cub Scout who made the poor aesthetic choice of getting lost in Utah. On the list of places to get lost, the wilds of Utah has got to be near the bottom. Because I'm an idiot, I get lost all the time. A couple of weeks ago, I took the wrong bus from Lechmere Station in Cambridge and ended up in some sort of alternate universe that, luckily, was connected to Harvard Square. I wonder if the little fucker in Utah will get a badge for getting lost. They could call it the "Christopher Columbus Badge." I do know that I won't get a badge.

I find it hard to feign concern for imperiled people I do not know. If they found the kid impaled on the antlers of an elk or ripped in half by a skunk-ape, it would have no impact on my life. Little black children die every day, and they had the good sense to stay at home...and away from Utah.

I have a couple of comments to finish out this entry (my first) to my 'blog. Regarding those fly-covered kids in Africa who were unfortunately born black and in Africa, and poor to boot, I have to ask: Do the flies ever get together and try to fly away with a kid. I bet they could do it. I would guess that 1,000 flies working together could lift little Mbugua to a place where they could eat in peace. That would be a World Health Organization report worth reading. "In the last ten years alone over 100,000 children were carried away by small, but well organized, flies."

My other comment is about insults. When I hear someone say something really stupid, which happens frequently, I think, "Cram it, Fatty!" I automatically go to that insult for some reason. Sometimes I add, "...you douchebag!" to the mix. But I'm fat...and may even be a douchebag. That gives my opponent a really easy comeback. I don't want to give it up, though. I may have to actually lose weight so I can use it. I also like, "Go fuck yourself," but that's a little severe; I don't want to get whacked in the schnozz.

Keep it fake.

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