Fried Potatoes

I went into TJ Maxx to buy a frying pan the other day, and I had a terrible anxiety attack. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see an employee approaching to ask if I he could be of assistance. I really hate that. Especially when I'm buying a frying pan...anywhere. That I was doing it at a TJ Maxx just puts it on a whole 'nother level.

The helpful employee walked up to me and said, "Can I help you with anything?" All the predictability and awkwardness was overwhelming, and I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to answer truthfully. I just didn't know what the hell to say to get him to leave me alone. So I punched him in the throat and ran out the door.

I made it to the organic food market on the other end of the collection of stores and a parking lot called "Fresh Pond Plaza." The security guard tackled me in front of the pomme de terre display. The last thing I remember thinking before hitting the floor was, "Wow, that is a really pretentious name for a fucking potato."

Naturally, I was arrested. But I did not hit him with 4 glass martini set, regardless of what that little prick says. But you'd be surprised at how much trouble you can get in for punching someone in the throat.