Mallard Fillmore Is A Pedophile

So many compelling topics to write about lately, yet it took great effort to prop myself up in front of this thing and do so. The Boston Globe never printed my response to Jeff Jacoby's bullshit article about Venezuela, which irked me. Jacoby is so wrong and I am so right. Fuck him. For those of you who aren't familiar with his column, he's a douchebag moron who drools, shits himself, and writes nonsense for a living. The only true thing he ever said was that Deval Patrick won the first gubernatorial debate. Everything else comes across like the banal and intellectually defunct grunts and squeaks of a head injury victim who had ADD and autism even before the accident. When reading his column, which I'm inclined to do out of morbid curiosity (the same reason I read Mallard Fillmore), it is best to imagine him sitting at his Commodore Vic-20 with a screwdriver sticking out of his parietal lobe and wearing a diaper full of shit. That way, you'll feel a modicum of pity instead of wanting to punch him in his snearing, "frat boy" grin wearing face. He is that kind of Republican; sarcastic, narcissistic, and virtually always wrong, wrong, wrong.

As a democratic socialist in a very capitalist world, I'm used to disagreeing with people. Fortunately, I live near Cambridge, Massachusetts, so there are a few of my kind floating about. But I also despise organized religion (generally), people who think Jeff Foxworthy is funny, and cell phones. And I passionately support sex education in public schools, legalizing marijuana, national health care, and dumping corporate capitalism. Then there are writers, musicians, movies, and my loathing of "reality shows" like Fear Factor. Yes, I'm opinionated. I've almost been punched in the beak many times for refusing to let an argument go. As I've become more hopeless and demoralized over the years, I'm a bit more likely to let something slide, but only slightly.

The reason I mention this is to help explain my actions regarding a series of emails sent to MassResistance, an organization that is comprised of bigots, homophobes and irrational boobs. They hope to end gay marriage in Massachusetts by spreading lies about homosexuals and "gay culture." The really enjoy celebrating a central myth that informs their whole half-baked, insensate world-view; that pedophilia is pathologically connected to homosexuality. Or more simply, that all gays and lesbians are child-molesters.

Naturally, this is totally false. At one time, most people thought that there was a correlation between pedophilia and homosexuality. A Kinsey Institute study done 35 years ago found that 70% of the US population agreed with the statement: "Homosexuals are dangerous as teachers or youth leaders because they try to get sexually involved with children." In 1999, Gallup conducted a poll that showed a radical shift in thinking; only 19% of men, and 10% of women, thought there was any connection. Knowing that really reduces my terrific anger and hatred for groups like MassResistance. They are pathetic, ignorant and impotent to change anything. Here in Massachusetts, support for gay marriage is at an all-time high in every poll I've seen. If they were getting any tread in their campaign, I'd be a tight-ball of tension and concern every minute of the day. Fortunately, for those of you who don't want to see me as a tight-ball, that's not happening. Even with millions of dollars flowing into their coffers from out-of-state religious fundamentalists who want to meddle in the commonwealth's affairs. Well, fuck them...it's not working.

Knowing all that, however, I couldn't resist sending these boobs a nasty email. I was Googling for pictures of Boston's Gay Pride Parade, and I was directed to one of their articles. Needless to say, it was sad and irritating. I clicked the contact button and sent a quick missive, eagerly relating my feelings. Our "conversation" went like this, and was spread out over three emails. These are all quotes taken verbatim.

Me, in a letter sent on October 3rd: Why don't you just shut the fuck up. You're making Massachusetts look silly. And you're a bunch of assholes. Just knock it off and go home. Criminy.

MassResistance, in a reply sent ten minutes later: You homosexuals really love to talk about that part of the body a lot, dont you?

Me, the next day: What makes you think I'm a homosexual? I'm not. And I'd rather call you an "asshole" than BE an asshole. You're a bunch of hate-mongers who don't get any facts right at all. For example, there is no connection between pedophilia and homosexuality. A stronger connection exists between being a priest and being a pedophile. As a Catholic organization, that should be your focus. As a Catholic man, were you molested? If not, you're in the minority. Those priests are fond of diddlin' kids. I'm not anti-Catholic, but come on. You should really try to figure out what's going on there. What tiny minds you have. Pathetic. And your cause is lost...gay marriage isn't going anywhere. HAHAHAHA!

MassResistance: You said on your phone message to our office (which we've forwarded to the police) that you are homosexual. And only those kinds of people think of the rectum as much as you seem to.

This is really funny to me for two main reasons. One, I didn't call them, which indicates that they are getting a lot of flack and have a short fuse when it comes to mockery. And two, he's so enamored with his "gays love assholes" schtick! I like to think that they really did call the police. I hope a gay fellow was working the city desk.

And this conversation, full of wit and verve, ended as follows:

I never called you, not once. If you can't take the heat of criticism, don't set up the website with a public email address, you douchebag. And you seem pretty "focused" on the rectum yourself. A lot of right-wing religious fanatics mask homosexual thoughts and feelings with aggressive homophobia. That's very sad, and I hope you get strong enough some day to be honest with yourself about your sexuality. Keep reachin' for that rainbow.

But let's get back to the threat of bringing in the police. Have you no self-respect at all? You are part of a nasty political organization that equates homosexuality with pedophilia, and you act surprised when you get insulted? Maybe I should call the police about your site bothering me with hatred and poor logic. That makes about as much sense as your calling the police on me for writing three emails to you so far (and you've sent two to me). The police are generally very reasonable people who are bound by principles and the law. So if you want me to talk to them, you'll find them on my side. Especially since I never even called you! You're such cowards under all this talk of "revolution." I've rarely known such pussies! No wonder your movement is a failure.

You are intellectually bankrupt and spineless.

What good did any of this do? None, of course. Although it did briefly amuse me. As does the drawing of an asshole at the top of this entry, which was done by Kurt Vonnegut.