Eye On The Sky

It's 3:30 in the morning and sleep is elusive, even with the aid of 100mg of Trazodone and 1mg of lorazepam. There's an infomercial on television for Russ Whitney's Guide to Wealth Building, which is mildly amusing. Apparently this fellow has workshops on how to become wealthy by purchasing foreclosed property and then selling it for a pant load of money. The business draws from a rich lexicon, with expressions like "flipping" property and offering ways to "learn from technique." If I call now and order an Entrepreneur Start-Up Kit (in itself an interesting use of the language), I'll get information about the next real estate workshop in my area. I suspect that attending such an event would make me hate myself even more than I already do. There are interviews with very enthusiastic people attending these workshops around the country. For some reason, most of them have stickers that read, "I'm Great!" stuck on their chest. It's so odd. And Russ Whitney, the Wizard of Wealth, is usually dressed informally, wearing Nike sweatshirts and even a track suit at one point. What an asshole. I think that's him wearing a suit with a red power tie, up there on the right. It's the only thing I've seen the bastard wearing that doesn't have a Nike swoosh on it.

I want to sleep, but every time I close my eyes there are painful images, and terrible thoughts. Not nightmares, though, as I'm not asleep when I'm having them. It's better to keep my eyes open and on the television, or in a book. That way I can analyze the world outside myself instead of just myself. When I close my eyes, I don't like what I see. What a morbid prick I am. And I don't think I'm getting better with therapy. Most of the time I have a need to be alone, where I can gauge the length and breadth of my anxiety, depression and paranoia. Only after measuring this cocktail of neuroses can I then work to overcome them. A reconnaissance mission in the mind, followed up by a careful attempt to set my thoughts and feelings right. So as I grow older I have to accept my inclination towards isolation. It's just part of how I'm going to persevere against mental illness.

Well, I changed the channel to one of the movie stations and am now watching Lost in Translation with Bill Murray. What an excellent human being. And Scarlett Johansson is cute as all hell. I keep looking out the window and thinking that I see the sky getting a bit brighter behind the tree in the courtyard, but it's too early for that...it's all in my head. Toulouse is sleeping easily at the foot of my bed. If I climb back in there he'll be all over me. I expect that, but I don't take it for granted. I never take anything for granted these days.

I've said this a thousand times before on this 'blog, but I do so miss my old friends. The ones who rarely call and whom I see even less often. And I can't complain about it directly, lest it drive them away for real. Nobody wants to be, or be around, a pest. So I wait and I hope that the connection is still there, that the friendship is still vital despite our going our separate ways. Somewhere in my noggin I know that they are just busy...I think.

On another note, I want to mention something about World of WarCraft, a game a play often, usually late at night. I'm fond of it, but I'm certainly not addicted. My limit is about an hour or two, then I feel compelled to flee for a bit and do something else. Anything else. One thing that really annoys me is that the game is frequently taken down for maintenance, and a new "patch" needs to be downloaded just about every week. I never paid any attention to what the patches are actually for, I just let them happen. But yesterday I read what was being updated, and it really cracked me up for some reason. I'm trying to put into words what it is that I found so amusing, but I can't. Here's an example of a recent update, though:

Healthstones and summoned warlock pets will no longer cost a soulshard to summon in the Arena preparation area.

There's a poetry to it, almost. Here's my favorite:

"Mangle" will not stack multiple copies from multiple forms or druids anymore. This was never intended behavior. The percentage modification on bleeds has increased from 25% to 30% and "Mangle" now increases the damage from "Shred" as well. In addition, "Mangle" will now benefit from the damage boost from "Tiger's Fury".

Sweet fancy Moses! I haven't a clue what it means, but it speaks to me. It's like another language, one that is spoken by fat little boys covered in Dorito dust. People from all sectors of society play the game, but I'm pretty sure that only the aforementioned demographic really cares about the impact of Tiger's Fury on Mangle.

I'd write more about World of WarCraft, but South Park has already covered it perfectly.

I think the sky is getting brighter. I'm going to lie down with Toulouse for a few minutes and then emerge fat and bleary-eyed from my boudoir, ready to face another day. Yeah.