Part Two Of The 15 Long List

Apocalypse Cow took the time to write an extensive response to my random list, and I feel compelled to reply. Regarding Wyatt Earp, I was talking about the reviews, which were not so good; most of them, anyway. It gets a 43 rating on Metacritic, which is "mixed or average." The Boston Globe and Chicago Tribune came closest to getting it right, but a lot of critics found it too long and ponderous. Personally, I found it poetic, sad and painfully beautiful. Costner's journey from a naive kid to lawman/vigilante is incredibly well-written, directed and even acted. The score by James Newton Howard is perfect. Isabella Rossellini's Big Nose Kate, Dennis Quaid's Doc Holliday and even Mark Harmon's Johnny are all memorable and interesting. But that's just me...

Mr. Cow also can't understand the correlation between shampooing my crotch and getting fired out of a cannon. That's because there isn't any. I'd be just as happy with his example of, "Eat sand and take a long walk off a short pier."

Regarding Lindsay Lohan, I really can't express just how much I loathe her, even more than Paris Hilton. I'm not sure why. And I think she'll suffer, given that she was found with cocaine in her possession, which is very bad. But even beyond that, she's screwed. In the few films she has made she's developed a real "pain in the ass" reputation. She's going to find herself doing porn if she's not careful. But the preaching by Martha Stewart really annoyed me. That she would invite her onto the show so she could give her some advice that wasn't asked for, to set her straight, is just so fucking hypocritical. Martha Steward committed perjury and spent time in prison, for Heaven's sake.

What Mr. Cow said about Venezuela is true, that Fox News will spin every story about Chavez in as negative a way possible. And that's true of the press in general, which insists on calling Chavez a "dictator." I've received several articles and letters from people I know in a group called Hands Off Venezuela. They are a great source for information about what is actually happening there.

That said, ever since Chavez received full power to "rule by decree" for 18 months by the Venezuelan Assembly in January, I've been nervous for the people of that country. But it is true that the 18 month "rule by decree" has been given before, to other presidents. It still upset me a bit, though. Now we know about the RCTV closure, which is extremely hard to justify. The fake protest crowds staged by RCTV are irrelevent. The important issue is a free press. Time will tell, though, what Chavez is up to. In the meantime, he's still responsible for rescuing his country from unspeakable poverty by routing more oil money to the people of Venezuela instead of capitalists. Nationalizing the PDVSA was a brilliant move, as was reaching out to China and Europe for support while in the shadow of the US. The list of positive changes in Venezuela under Chavez is a long one, and as a socialist I support his "Bolivarian Revolution" totally. It's because I believe in it so much that I'm so worried about what is happening.

Number 8 on my list is hurting myself whilst trying to "flip the bird." I think that you're more homicidal than thorough. The kids call it "road rage," and I definitely understand it. Sometimes I scare myself at how angry I get. I've found that looking the person in the eye helps to reduce the anger, most of the time. Usually, it's just a normal person who is embarrased at fucking up...most people know when they fuck up. It's sort of a dangerous strategy, though, because every so often you look in the car and see that the person who fucked up and almost caused a massive accident is actually mad at you. Very hard to hold back after that, and 99 years is a long, long, long time.

Regarding number 9, that meat tastes good is either proof that there is no god, or that god is a fucking asshole. Number 11 is about my cats. I love cats, and I know my cats love me. Maybe they're trying to kill me because they know if would be for the best for everyone concerned. Little furry Dr. Kevorkians.

That would be a good band name...Little Furry Dr. Kevorkians.

My sense of humor has been of premier importance in most of my relationships. There was one girl who I met in the nuthouse that, if memory serves, didn't have a sense of humor. I'm not so sure that any of her senses were switched on, really. I lost my virginity at age 14 with a girl in my class, and that she thought I was fucking hilarious is what made her want to open her legs. Thus, a valuable lesson was learned. It's called the "Bill Murray Effect" by scientists. My thoughtfulness and neurotic nature have often been mistaken for intelligence, which is good, too. And there have been those lucky times that my girlfriend romanticized mental illness and found my irritating brooding and constant self-analysis to be indicative of a tortured man of depth and intensity. Ah, that's when it was good. Naturally, the truth would eventually come out...that mental illness is, at best, an unholy pain in the ass.

My current girlfriend is too wise and empathetic to fall for that, and she doesn't even allow self-pity. I guess that's part of the reason that I love her.

Well, that's all for now. Just for the record, I thought the repeated 80% thing was witty.

Fin.