Love, New England And A Goat With A Dress

I really love my girlfriend, but experience has taught me to constantly be on guard for the words, "We need to talk..." I'm not an easy fellow with whom to be in love. I'm inclined towards self-destruction, and can annoy the piss out of those close to me by insisting on a regular basis that I'm not worth the time and effort. And that is boring. I know boring when I hear it, and depression and self-loathing is tedious. If you were a little birdy perched on my shoulder, methinks that you would give me some credit for seriously cutting back on some of the more wearying aspects of my personality in this regard. Still, I have a ways to go.

After the last time I fell in love, like many other people I promised myself not to do that again. But my actions betrayed my desire to take a lover, and a partner. I found solace in a couple of "one night stands" and the close friendships I share, mostly with women. The goal here was to embrace intimacy and friendship, and fuck as much as possible. But I'm not aloof by nature (that's what they call an understatement) and I found a woman that I connect with deeply and profoundly. Trust was gained, and eventually we fell in love. So here I am again, at the mercy of another human being. It was either that, or nail my doors and windows shut and communicate with the world exclusively via a Compaq Presario. So I dated and often found myself in loveless relationships that had a lot of awkward moments which were only bearable because of base sexual "fulfillment."

The world has her fair share of people who speak highly of sex without love, and I'm kind of one of them. But I'm also an romantic, and I absolutely have to be at least friends with the person with whom I'm having sex, otherwise I instantly develop a deep, nauseating sense of loneliness after getting off; the infamous male desire to flee the scene of a casual fuck. So while I'm a fellow-traveler with liberated people who screw for fun, I have to admit that it's just not for me as a way of life. With that in mind, over a year ago I placed a bunch of personal advertisements, and tried hitting on a couple of female friends. In time, I found a truly wonderful woman, my girlfriend, the woman I love.

That brings me to where I am now. As in love as I've ever been, with a woman who is compassionate and intelligent and demure, and a damn good writer. At some point, I learned the lesson that fear of losing someone is the price you pay for loving someone. Another trite observation, but meaningful to me considering how adamant I was just a few years ago about not falling in love ever again. We all have stories like that, or most of us do. But you're reading about mine because this is my 'blog.

The picture on the right (pending) was taken at a Republican presidential candidate debate in New Hampshire, and represents the finest the GOP has to offer. A visual approximation, if you will, of how fucking insane are Republicans.

Well, I lied. The picture was taken by Linda at the Fryeburg Faire in Maine. If you're one of my friends from abroad and don't know what Maine is, it's an East coast state on the Canadian border known for lobster, misanthropic Yankees ("You can't get there from here."), insane hermits and pristine ocean beaches with water that is way too cold for swimming. Way too cold for anything, actually. The next time you think of a clown walking a dress-wearing goat, think of Maine. The Southern portion of that state has myriad colleges of high-repute, culture and a left-of-center political disposition. The Northern portion of Maine, however, is a vast wasteland of gun-toting maniacs who will kill a man on sight to protect the only two things of value up there; blueberries and potatoes. Think of the movie Deliverance with three feet of snow 8 months a year. Politically, they are right-wing whackos, but nowhere near as bad as South Carolina, South Dakota, or Texas. I also happen to know that people from Massachusetts are known as MassHoles up there, and that for the most part it's a well-deserved slur.

Just for the record, Maine is a cosmopolitan delight, a veritable Utopia, compared to it's neighbor New Hampshire. While it is a state of great natural beauty (bucolic and quaint with a sea coast on one side and mountains on the other), New Hampshire has absolutely nothing to offer the civilized world. It is home to a hare-brained group of big "L" Libertarians from around the country who moved there to turn the Libertarian Party into a politically viable entity in at least one state; so far, that hasn't worked. Cow Hampshire, as it is know in Boston, also has something called The Old Man In The Mountain, a rock formation that vaguely looks like a profile of Jared from the Subway commercials. They're so proud of that fucking thing, it's amazing. It's on the license plate and recently issued commemorative quarter. New Hampshire also reminds me of that song from Sesame Street, One Of These Things Is Doing It's Own Thing. It sits between Massachusetts, Southern Maine and Vermont. As I mentioned earlier, Southern Maine is slightly liberal, but Massachusetts is full of Commies. People in the midwest aren't even sure if it's part of the United States. It's the only commonwealth or state in our fair republic that has embraced gay marriage.

Again, for my friends in Europe, Massachusetts is like a sexually repressed Sweden; it's social democratic, freezing cold, and the people here speak with an almost indecipherable accent. We like to pretend that we have more political influence than we actually have, and one way we do that is by running at least one doomed presidential candidate every four years. People here are also less blond and a little fatter than Swedes. The rest of the country hates our guts. A source of pride for a Pinko like me.

There is only one state that is farther left on the political spectrum and that's Vermont. They actually have a socialist Senator, Bernie Sanders. They also have the most towns of any state that have voted to impeach Bush. Vermont is a wonderful place with progressive, open-minded people that is unfortunately locked in ice for 11 months of the year.

In my next post, I'll talk about Rhode Island, a very small and very strange state that has many cultural treasures and a strong progressive inclination but is also ruthlessly corrupt and run by the mob. Nice beaches, too.