Thursday, February 21, 2008

The DeadBeat

Thank you, Chica, for saying that I'm not easily ignored. In a fashion, that's a very high compliment. Nobody with any style wants to go unnoticed. Even I, with my social phobia and paranoia, long to get published one day and have people fumbling to spend time in my company. Then I could act all aloof and pass them right by, but not before saying something faux wise and borderline cryptic, and perhaps a little kind.

Linda and I are in the very early stages of living together, and I'm finding that it suits me. When I awaken in an empty bed I feel as if I'm falling, in addition to a harder to define feeling of panic. I can happily report that this is much less pronounced in the company of my beloved. Hopefully that will remain the case.

Unfortunately, however, I'm a little paranoid. I'm afraid that I'm doing something to annoy her (or worse) and she is afraid to tell me. So basically I'm fearful of her compassion and love, that it will compel her to lie to protect my feelings. Do I have any annoying habits that are evident already? Are my many scars more upsetting, or just aesthetically unappealing, than I tend to imagine? And most bothersome, is she irritated at me for not keeping a steady job? I certainly didn't mislead her about my difficulties in that department. I still feel like a dead-beat. That's the way the watch is wound.

More later, ladies and germs.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

My dear, darling Darren.... I'm glad you feel better waking up by my side. I, too, feel more loved and comforted than I've known in a very long time. I do think the anxiety you feel about me hiding something, that there's something that I'm not telling you, is that my staying at your house consists mainly of me dragging myself upstairs to sleep, then hopping right off in the morning to work. It's so comforting to know that I will see you at the end of my busy day. Hopefully, once I'm totally settled in, things will calm down, and I'll have more time to spend with you. As of the moment, I can't think of anything bad to say about you.. Hope that's okay..
luv,
Linda

Chica. said...

Linda sounds like just what the doc ordered...and very sweet, too.

You're a lucky dog, Darren!

Luv,
Chica

Apocalypse Cow said...

a possible outlet, and possible eventual publishing foot in the door would be to become a web based serial novelist. Basically, you'd put chapters up in your blog as you wrote them. I've seen it done before, and its entertaining for the readers, and the author can get his name out there for free. Also, you could try publishing yourself, there are a number of self-publishing how-to web sites out there. You're obviously a good writer, so I say go for it!