Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Some Thoughts

A strange night seems to be in the making. In my nightshirt and prepared for sleep I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and promptly had a massive anxiety attack; heart pounding, stomach pain, stiff joints. I'm determined to finish Yukio Mishima's novel, "The Temple of the Golden Pavilion." I'm so fascinated by the life of that man. There's a good movie about his life floating around out there.

Some thoughts.

I'm too philosophical.

I sometimes laugh to relieve tension when in social situations..."nervous" laughter. Not a good trait.

I take this small razor blade that I found in a tool box, wrapped with a piece of cardboard, and I cut into the inside of my left ankle, and cut deeply. I flick the blade down several inches of my leg, and watch as the angles of the void disappear as bloody rivulets emerge. I don't know why I do this.

I'm dependent on prescribed medication. Medication is a wonderful thing.

I should volunteer my flat for monthly Socialist Party meetings, but I'm not going to.

Love you, my darling Linda.

2 comments:

Apocalypse Cow said...

"I sometimes laugh to relieve tension when in social situations..."nervous" laughter. Not a good trait."

A LOT of people do this. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Chica. said...

"I take this small razor blade that I found in a tool box, wrapped with a piece of cardboard, and I cut into the inside of my left ankle, and cut deeply. I flick the blade down several inches of my leg, and watch as the angles of the void disappear as bloody rivulets emerge. I don't know why I do this."

Cutting releases dopamine. I can't remember where I read this, but I'll research it for you and post it on my blog next Thursday.

I know you're probably showered by now...so no excuses. You must come by my place. I'll remind you next week.

Luv,
Chica

P.S. I hope you're feeling better. It's so nice to see you blog. You've been missed.