Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Family Circus Homage

Today, Darren has decided to take the day off and fight the Demon in his mind with a pitchfork and a small novelty baseball bat. Good luck, Dar! Until he returns, "Jeffy," Darren's psychotic pen pal will take over the blog. Enjoy the hi-jinks!

-Impy

Hi, I'm Jeffy.

The exciting and challenging act of being myself requires that I take many prescribed drugs. Just like that crazy fat fuck Darren. After one of the drugs killed my boner, I became a serial killer in a violent, pathological attempt to regain a modicum of dignity and, in a twisted fashion, regain the loss of what I've come to think of as my "manhood." I'm not above having sex with a houseplant or piercing my nipples at home with a meat thermometer.

I wish I could eat chicken wings all the time. We all like them, but I really like them, you know? I'm a bit worried. I asked Darren what he thought, but whenever he comes home and finds me in his flat, he's all about dialing 9-1-1 with his fat little digits.

J'accuse!

It is possible, but highly undesirable, to "fuck a duck."

My nipples are totally numb, so it wasn't a good idea, apparently. I'm sure it's temporary. In fact, one of my nipples rubbed off and fell out of my T-shirt near the Harvard Square T station, near the "Coop." If you find a nipple around there, it is so totally mine.

Can't be a lot of nipples just out there.

Low fat cookies are a scam perpetrated by an international cabal of Jews and Australians. The government!

1 comment:

Apocalypse Cow said...

not sure if you know this, but "out of town news" in Harvard Square is going out of business. Figured it would be something that would interest you, as OOTN is one of the last bastions of non-ass in the whole square. Good bye, Wursthaus, good bye Bow and Arrow, good bye House of Blues(the original), good bye anything non-sucky. I guess the only thing left that I would go there for is Pandemonium.