Hillary Liberates The State Department

It's almost 9:30 in the morning and I'm watching Hillary Clinton's reception at the State Department. She is, of course, the new Secretary of State. It was a wild scene, man. They received her like a liberator. For diplomats and foreign nationals, Bush was the Idiot King. Amazing times.

Some other news from my meager existence.

The Indian girl at the store down the street is cute, and also emits the vague patina of a thoughtful person. I call her the "Indian girl" because she is literally from India and is the daughter of the man who owns the store. We rarely say more than a handful of words to each other, mainly because of my pathetic inclination towards nervousness. However, we did talk a bit about "Slumdog Millionaire."

She tells me that the slums of Mumbai are really that bad, and that Americans need to travel more to see what is happening in the world. "Unfortunately," I told her, "most Americans who travel have a lot of money, and are jerks." The gist is that they are poor representatives for the rest of us.

I regret saying that now, as there are many good Americans traveling about who are engaged in service of some kind. Countless college kids volunteer to bust their asses overseas, or study abroad, and they represent well.

As for me, I filled out many study abroad applications when in college, and had hopes that I'd find myself in some exotic location, preferably with a lot of women around and sans plague. Unfortunately, the University of Amsterdam wasn't taking applications. And besides, I would have fucked it up. One imagines me, a misunderstanding, a car battery and a boob pressed up against bullet-proof glass.

Here's a top 10 list of Secret Service nicknames for Obama:

10. Raven McLeod
9. HNIC (Head Negro in Charge)
8. Stretch
7. Obamaba
6. Gutterball
5. McCool
4. Michelle's husband
3. The Anti-Bush
2. Blackulincoln
1. Hot Chocolate