Saturday, January 03, 2009

Message Received

I've developed the opinion that it would be best for me to isolate myself. A young lady, a friend of mine, has told me that one night just before Christmas I sent her a message on Facebook. Apparently, it was full of sexual comments that made her uncomfortable. She is of the opinion that I was drunk. Even so, I don't remember reaching out in such a way, to a person I respect and like. No memory exists in my head of any of this, but my memory is fragile for many reasons.

Two weeks earlier, I swore on a friend's Facebook page after I was told that his family looks at the page often. He was angry with me.

In addition, a friend of 10 years isn't responding to my emails. I know she is there, but she doesn't want to speak to me.

A website banned me for violating the terms of service. Some say unfairly, but that is not of any import.

There is this man, about 35, whom I don't know very well. He is compassionate, funny, difficult to anger and quick to laugh. He has friends who admire him for his intelligence and wit, and he works hard and certainly pulls his own weight. He is loyal and loving and can always be counted upon to do the right thing.

I tried to be that, but have failed. What I am is a strange little man, stupid, with a string of spit where his spine ought to be. And I do not pull my own weight, my sense of humor is strange and disturbing. Because of this, I shouldn't expose myself to other people and friends. In fact, I should live in seclusion. By doing so, logically, the world will be a better place. I'm strongly inclined to commit suicide, but I can't. So I'll have to wait this life out. The greatest favor I can grant to my loved ones is to reduce my presence as much as possible. To hide, as it were, to isolate.

That is why my Facebook account is gone, and I'm going to try and communicate with others as little as possible. It may be that what is wrong with the world, the part that I complain about, is me. I sicken myself as much as I now know I sicken all of you. If my mother were alive, I would spit on her for ever bringing such an abomination into the world. But here I am, finally having gotten the message.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're back. I love you

Apocalypse Cow said...

"There is this man, about 35, whom I don't know very well. He is compassionate, funny, difficult to anger and quick to laugh. He has friends who admire him for his intelligence and wit, and he works hard and certainly pulls his own weight. He is loyal and loving and can always be counted upon to do the right thing."

Hey, I know that guy, his name is Darren.

mel said...

Darren,

Don't let it get the best of you.

Melanie

Darren W. Lyle said...

Thank you, Mel.

Darren W. Lyle said...

Thank you, AC, that was very kind.