Friday, June 05, 2009

Kill Bill and Four Rules

There is a man with a weed-whacker outside my bedroom window. I want to hit him with a banana creme pie. Perhaps several.

Yesterday, I heard the news that actor John Carradine ended his life via hanging. It saddened me, probably because I thought he did such a find acting job in the Kill Bill films. That seems a bit crass, but I never met him, so I only know his work. If you take a look at his obituary you'll find an actor who was quite prolific. Now that his peepers are shut forever, I anticipate a very rapid end to his career.

It's almost common for artists of any media to walk out the proverbial open window. Elvis Presley died in the bathroom, Hendrix drugged himself up and choked on his own vomit, Mama Cass did the same. We all probably know at least 20 famous artists who either committed suicide, or lived in such a way that tempted death. Kurt Vonnegut, whose father was a suicide, and who often spoke of his suicidal desires, died of a fall at his home. I admire him for that. For some, suicide is a "fuck you" to god or the universe, or both. But for Vonnegut, the unexpected act was to live a long life. Despite his mental illness, he wasn't going easily.

This morning I discovered an article, off the AP wire from Thailand, which indicates that Carradine's death is still being investigated as a possible accident. A sex thing, probably, involving asphyxiation. People close to Carradine in life say that he would never have committed suicide.

Anyone is capable of suicide at any given time. Friends tell me otherwise, but they are wrong. Before I tried suicide, people would have said the same about me. That I was in school and working and cared deeply about many things. It helped that they could blame it on Prozac, but by the time of my second suicide attempt it was clear that mentall illness had me. But "normal" people can find a reason with ease. The opposite sex (love, marriage, sex), lack of money, poor health, or just biology and pressure over time can make suicide appealing.

Let me say a word about religion for a second, and then I'll move on. I've been approached 3 times this week by people who are disturbed by my atheism and want to convert me to Christianity. Simply put, they want me to find Jesus. To them, and to others who might want to try, here are 4 facts that you have to overcome. I'm asking you not to try.

1. I really am an atheist, deeply and proudly. I didn't come to it lightly, and I'd appreciate a modicum of respect for my belief, the same you'd give to one of another religion.

2. Stop assuming that I've never looked for god, I have. I've gone to church and read my head off. And for countless hours I've ruminated. I'm an atheist.

3. When you write something like, "Christianity isn't a religion. It is a way to Christ. All the people of those other religions are going to Hell." This is nonsense to me, as Christianity IS just another religion. I know it means the world to you, and has saved you, but for me the Bible is a good book, but just another book on the shelf.

4. Answer my questions, and I'll answer yours, but don't simply go into a diatribe.

That's it.


Apocalypse Cow said...

1) I'm of the opinion it was a sex thing. Most of the suicide hangings I've heard of were not done naked. Also, the rope was around his neck and "parts of his body".

2)Whenever anyone asks me if I found God, I answer "Why yes, he was hiding in the closet. I'll tell him you were looking for him." That usually buys me enough time to escape.

3)I hate weed whackers, leaf blowers, or any other gas powered implement of lawn care, including the thing that my neighbor was using the other day, a gas powered sweeper to remove the road sand from his precious precious grass. Yes, I piss him off when I let my grass grow to 2 ft, then leave clippings all over the place when I finally do mow.

Anonymous said...

you could be a standup comic if you half tried. Your eyes are particularly talented. I really look forward to your entries. Jean