Thursday, June 16, 2011

Of Romance and Germ Cell Neoplasia

Seven or eight years ago I was diagnosed with Intratubular Germ Cell Neoplasia of the Testes (IGCNT), which simply means that, without surgical intervention, testicular cancer would have developed. An orchiectomy was performed, which is the removal of the testes. Fortunately, this wasn't particularly traumatic for me, as my testes never worked. I'd known since age 14 that I was destined to shoot blanks. And a good thing, too. The very last thing I need is children. Cats and dogs are better, anyway.

In addition to infertility, there is no testosterone in my body unless I put it there, via a shot or a transdermal patch. The shot is great at increasing T levels rapidly, but the drawback is a wild fluctuation in levels from one hour to the next. My T level could be low normal one minute (around 400), and then skyrocket up too high (1200). Libido goes through the roof, erections arrive randomly and with great frequency, and I keep giving Nancy my seductive look. Sex is on my mind quite a lot with the shot, perhaps that is normal.

The patch is good for maintaining an even level. There is no "spiking" of the testosterone in my system, which is good for a fellow with bipolar disorder. The down side (literally) is Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and an inability to achieve orgasm (anorgasmia). Apparently, the patch is not working well. My energy level is low, and I've no libido.

This is very sad to me because, all joking aside, sex is a beautiful thing; intimacy, attraction (warts and all), declarations of love, and the creation of what Kurt Vonnegut used to call,"The Little Nation of Two." I'm sentimental and an Romantic. Some poems make me cry (The Psalm of Life by Longfellow), as does music (Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto). When I was the Socialist Party delegate to the National Convention (1990, 1992, 1994) we sang The Internationale. By the time we were finished, tears were rolling down my face.

I'm pathetic.

That said, making love with someone you love is the closest human beings get to not being alone.

So now I have an appointment with a urologist, for an embarrassing conversation about my penis. This is a new phenomenon, so it could be some other drug I take, perhaps something I take for epilepsy. I'm lined up to spend the night in the hospital so my seizure activity can be observed while I sleep. Nancy says I have seizures quite a lot in my sleep. Mostly small ones. Although one was a grand mal, methinks, given how I felt when I woke up. A bed is a good place to have a seizure.

Having a seizure during sex may be marvelous for the woman. "Come see the human vibrator!"


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