Friday, June 17, 2011

The "Ted Williams Raspberry" and a Hydrant

What a wonderful rainy day. The rain pleases me, as it provides a good excuse not to go outside. And if I do go outside, I just dig it. After about a week of rain I start to go stir crazy, but a few days is fine. The other night I had a dream where Nancy and her friend started a business together. They were buying whole tuna fish and cutting it down to fillets to be sent to Japan. Nancy produced a wad of money, and after some questioning her secret came out. I got really angry that she didn't tell me, and she said, "I don't have to tell you anything, you fucking asshole." Apology after apology flowed from my mouth, and finally she rolled her eyes and accepted. We made love passionately in the back of a truck containing dozens of tuna fish. We were really cold, so we left the truck and decided to make love in the back of a Chinese restaurant. Hot egg rolls and wrapped, stale fortune cookies flew off the table we were using. For laughs, we opened a fortune cookie. It read, "You're paying for those egg rolls, you dog-eyed prick." After that, I went to a black barber shop and got a haircut and shave via a straight edged razor. Even in my dream it was decidedly unpleasant.

What the hell is all that supposed to mean?

Damned if I know.

Despite the pouring rain, Annie had her walk this morning. My little umbrella provided little protection for the little dog, and she got soaked to the bone. As she contemplated a pee next to a fire hydrant (see photo above), the black and white fire hydrant caused an argument between Nancy and I, when she insisted that it should
be red. I disagreed. Later that night she tried to smother me with our cat, Impy. Image the horror! I'm alive only because Impy is a tiny kitty, and she couldn't cover my whole mouth. Life is like that. You never know when your spouse is going to try and kill you in some exotic fashion. I probably had it coming.

Through a downpour, we passed a stop sign with a Socialist Party bumper sticker stuck to it.

It has been there since 1995, when I stuck it there. It didn't have much of an impact on the election. Somehow, it has managed to survive all these years. Kudos to the union bumper sticker makers. Mary Cal Hollis and Eric Chester...those were the days. I guess.

As we made out way back to my flat, we passed a beautiful rose bush and I had to stifle the urge to pick one (pictured above). Flowers are generally out as a gift for Nancy, what with her allergies. One of her favorite activities is breathing, and I wouldn't want to stifle that. She would probably chastise me for stealing a rose, anyway. The other day we found a wallet with at least $50 in it, along with a driver's license and various and sundry other items. My inclination was to take the money and put the wallet in a mail box. Nancy would have none of it, though. She snatched it out of my hand and took it into the nearby Stop and Shop and gave it to the manager. A very nice thing for Nancy to do, and I'm sure the wallet is back with it's rightful owner. Sigh. I'm not a bad man, I don't think, but poverty has (apparently) turned me into a bit of a douche-bag.

As we made our way back to The House of Four Cats, I took note of our little victory garden. Michelle Obama told us to plant a garden, so that's what we did. The raspberry to the right is an actual, honest to goodness specimen taken from our new raspberry bush! It now sits in the freezer, to save it as the first of many. Why? It's unclear to me. Isn't it beautiful, though? It's all red and bumpy and juicy and sexy. Looking at is has given me an erection. That's not right.

Finally, below is the Four Cats garden, complete with chives, a pepper plant, six tomato plants, basil and Italian parsley. There is just enough room for a marijuana plant in the back there.

Thus completes the rainy walk. Adieu.

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