Time and Space

A chronological list of the things I've done so far today.

I woke up all panicky, like my plane was going down
Watched a show about how to pickle...pickles
Took a shower and cleaned things on my body
Put on the exact same clothes as yesterday, except for underwear
Threw out old bread to the birds
Went to the store to get new bread
Noticed that there are gum drops on the ground all around my neighbor's flat
A guy at the FoodMaster said, "Fake it 'til you make it."
Talked to my psychiatrist's secretary on the way home
Took some of the pills I'm supposed to take
Wrote one paragraph for "19."
Cleaned what looked like dried semen off my black pants

Those are the highlights. I'm putting together a highlights list for my life, which may or may not be longer. I'll post it later. "19" is a story I'm writing. It's about a soldier who finds out that his commanding officer is a pan-dimensional being who is using that power to solve a strategic problem. So he is putting the same people throught the same thing, 19 different ways. Only one way is correct, so the soldiers who live in 18 of the 19 dimensions are getting "spent" for no good reason. The CO then chooses to live in the dimension where his strategy is successful, to great acclaim. Nobody can move back or forward through time, unfortunately for them.

That's the way it goes.

Depression and paranoid self-loathing have sucked from me my will to live, like the cream from a cannoli. Wah. That's the way the flag flaps. I need narcotics. The only two people I know with access to them also happen to need them. I may be an asshole, but I'm not a fucking asshole...I won't take pain pills from people who need them. So I'll have to walk around as myself for awhile. What a fucking drag.