I don't know what the world is coming to, but I just took a Vicodin for pain. How's that for a hand full of marbles? The place where my wisdom tooth was yesterday morning at this time is now just a hole in my jaw. Eventually, the socket will fill up with blood, and then new bone will form. In about 6 months it will be like a tooth was never there. There will just be my jaw.
Then, at some point after that, I'll die.
Life is like a summer blockbuster movie with magnificent special effects, violence and sex, and then a really lousy ending. Only, there is no sequel. If you're lucky enough to be batshit insane, your movie can have space monkeys, aliens, monsters, and fuck knows what else. If you're careful in what you remember and how you remember it, you can even be the hero of your own life-movie. Defeat the empire and tell the bad guy to cram it, that sort of thing.
Some people's lives are more like an autumn release movie; a lot of talking, awkward moments, and sad, upsetting scenes. And it's really long and there's not a bare ass or boob in the place. Helen Mirren will eventually show up, as will Dame Judi Dench.
In film, the little things usually get overlooked so that the audience doesn't get bored or lose track of the story. If my life were a movie, then this scene will have to be cut out. The air conditioner behind me is louder than a Pratt & Whitney R-2800 Double Wasp jet engine. It's so annoying that I just want to open the window and fling it goodbye. My father would probably like that, as he NEVER wants to put the air conditioner on. He's a senior citizen, and is also taking a medication that makes him cold. Perfect. I, on the other hand, am a fat fuck who is not taking that medication.
Sounds like a great idea for a sitcom. The Odd Couple with a 40 year age difference, prescription drugs and a lot of cats.
Actually, me flipping out and throwing the air conditioner out the window might make for a good scene. But other things would have to go, they just done play well for the screen, like...
-Playing World of Warcraft for 4 hours on Wednesday night.
-Any masturbation...nobody wants to see that.
-Me watching another movie.
-Clipping my toenails.
-Delicately applying antibiotic cream to a mosquito bite on my right foot.
-Staring at the ceiling in my bedroom at 3am thinking about the time I picked my nose in front of my girlfriend and made her cry.
-The time when I was 9 when I tried to push over the Ms. Pacman machine and got thrown out of Fun 'n' Games. Ms. Pacman, for Christ's sake. In reality, it was that fucking Q-Bert machine that was asking for it.
-Recently trying to wipe my ass with 1-3 squares of toilet paper, per Sheryl Crow's advice. It did not go to plan.
Naturally, I could go on.
One last thing before I put some pants on, or not! Boston's Gay Pride Parade takes place this Saturday, starting at noon in the South End on Tremont Street. The parade will go through Boston, and end at City Hall Plaza, where there will be a big flaming festival. Unfortunately, I can't go, but you should if you can. It's just fun as all get out. The directions I got recommend parking at the Pi Alley Garage if you insist on taking your car, but take my advice...DO NOT take your car. Use the "T" for heaven's sake.
Just go and show support for the cause, because on that day we're ALL a bunch of fags and dykes. Isn't that touching? Seriously, though, if you're a guy and you don't work out 6 hours a day, you're going home alone.
2 comments:
What about the guys that like "bears"? Maybe they don't go to pride parades. Most pride parades that I've seen were more meat markets than anything else. But hey, its kind of like the midget conventions. If you're having a big party with folks of your kind, why not hook up?
Actually, the "Bears" sent me the information about the Gay Pride Parade! I've been to four or five gay pride parades in the past, and I usually hang with the people trying to make a political point, rather than hook up. But it's true, several "bears" find me luscious.
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