My bank also gave me a lovely, leather bound appointment book. Methinks they are mocking me. So it is with a great deal of subtly that I have, over the past two weeks, indicated that I'm totally batshit, emotionally fragile (thanks to Man in Black for saying what he did, as well as my brother, Linda, Jean White, Asa, Apocalypse Cow, Melanie and the anonymous heckler) and of so little social consequence that appointment books and calendars seem like sarcasm. The random sarcasm of an indifferent universe that is both tragic and funny as hell. Sometimes at the same time, like that shoe throwing affair with Bush. Damn, that was funny. My hat's off to Muntazer al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist responsible.
It wasn't funny, however, that they tried to rearrange al-Zaidi's arms and legs for him. By all accounts, he was perfectly happy that his elbows and knees bent like yours and mine. But that's a depressing fact of life. One minute you're flinging a shoe, the next they are taking you to and from your 3 by 5 cell to the bathroom with a spatula. And that's inches, folks, not feet.
I refuse to let John McCain win the war over the use of the word "folks." The campaign is long over, but that fucking word belongs to Porky Pig. Seriously, what an asshole. And the way Palin tied herself to that rocket was SO Wile E. Coyote.
An anonymous heckler is leaving messages on my comment section. She has referred to my writing as "depressing tripe," which I can't really argue with, except that it's only sporadically depressing. It is always, however, a tasty dish.
Here's my favorite recipe for tripe:
2lbs tripe (ox or cow stomach)
2 tablespoons shortening
2 eggs -- separated
2 tablespoons onions -- chopped
2 tablespoons flour
1/8 teaspoon garlic salt
1. Place tripe in a large saucepan and cover it with water.
Simmer at low heat until tripe is tender.
2. Drain tripe and reserve liquid. Remove and discard
fatty portions of tripe and cut tripe into 1-inch pieces.
3. Saute, onion in shortening in a medium-sized saucepan
at medium heat. Set aside and start to get nervous.
4. Beat egg whites until stiff in a small mixing bowl.
Add egg yolks and continue to beat until mixture is lemon
colored, like your aunt Sylvia. Add flour and salt and
5. Fold cooked tripe into egg mixture. Add tripe mixture
to saucepan containing sauted onions. Cook at medium heat
until eggs are set.
6. Add reserved liquid from tripe and garlic salt to egg
mixture and simmer at low heat for 5-10 minutes.
At that point, you're on your own.